tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-933817306650436542024-03-19T04:18:35.289-07:00Mommy Christian FaithKristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-35706136039897720692016-10-19T17:39:00.003-07:002016-10-19T17:45:02.823-07:00Lower Cholesterol is the Icing on the Cake! Bring on the Salad!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAE2gGanWypPqM9TPHtd8JdVMlVIx6KrQsXHjBoqdrQmJIyxqB2e6wjjDHAmxB81WRVkZnBOC_zht6P9iFQseRZa5_dGtl5U3QKJViKCOYclXTSzkEHGzWFfknw2hPAKcsnQVkj27l1xY/s1600/Cholesterol+picture.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAE2gGanWypPqM9TPHtd8JdVMlVIx6KrQsXHjBoqdrQmJIyxqB2e6wjjDHAmxB81WRVkZnBOC_zht6P9iFQseRZa5_dGtl5U3QKJViKCOYclXTSzkEHGzWFfknw2hPAKcsnQVkj27l1xY/s320/Cholesterol+picture.PNG" width="179" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> One of the greatest benefits of eating differently this
month is a very emotional one for me. Twenty-six years ago, my dad had his
first massive heart attack. At 12 years old I lived in constant fear of my dad
dying. I was always afraid that I would find my dad dead after suffering a heart attack. I always hoped that he would be alive to walk me down the aisle when I got married. My dad was 5 years older than how old I am now when he had a quintuple heart
bypass. He was 43 when he had his first heart attack. His dad, my great-grandfather, died at 40. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">From that point on I knew what it meant to be worried about high blood
pressure, high cholesterol, high this and high that. Rewind a couple of years
ago, when my cholesterol levels started climbing. The first time I found out I was
devastated. My doctor had me recheck my
cholesterol levels every 6 months so that ultimately, we could determine if I
would have to take cholesterol lowering medication. The last couple of years I was too afraid to re-check at the six month mark. At the end of these last 30
days of eating differently, it happened to be the time for me to recheck my cholesterol
levels. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">With the changes that I’ve made in my diet, I wanted to see
if eating differently would make a difference. This past month I’ve eaten a lot
of eggs and meat. I’ve also eaten a ton of vegetables and fruit. I’ve continued
to exercise the same amount that I have in the past 3 years, and mind you
exercise did nothing in the past to lower my cholesterol, as I exercise the
same amount now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">When I got the results of my last cholesterol levels on
Friday, I was in tears walking around ToysRUs. My choles<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">terol levels decreased 40 points. <span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">4<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">0 points!<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"> I could not believe it. </span></span></span></span>Right away I texted my people. My
high cholesterol was battled and lowered by what I chose to eat. One month of eating differently has changed the course of so much of my future. It has changed the course of what I am choosing to eat and decisions I am making for my family's food choices. This is just one of the huge things of eating differently has
taught me. Lower cholesterol is the icing on the cake. Bring on the salad! This has sealed the deal
for me!</span></div>
Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-37567478892260866162013-12-24T12:18:00.000-08:002013-12-24T12:18:44.828-08:00Where are you, Jesus?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">They say this time is the happiest
time of the year. But for some, it is the hardest. Sadly, all
the hard things don't end because it's Christmas.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Where is happiness when sitting with your mom who is lying in a hospital bed,
praying and hoping for her to get better? Or with the sister who is in surgery
while the surgeon is removing a brain tumor two days before Christmas? Or the
first, or second, or third Christmas without your mom? Because you know what
they say, when you lose your mom, you feel like you become an orphan no matter
what age you are. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Where is Jesus when you've worked so
hard and still have no money for presents? Or when your baby is born months
early and spends the first days and weeks of his life in the neonatal intensive
care unit and doesn't come home for Christmas? Where is He when your daddy is
recovering from surgery and another dad is recovering from a heart attack?
Where is He in broken family relationships, or in marriages struggling to stay
together, or the missing and longing of that one person who is Christmas to you, or in the deaths of a father and sister one week apart.... </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Right now I'm baking treats for our
neighbors and family. The kids are outside digging in the dirt and playing. I'm
listening to the song, "Oh, come, oh, come Emmanuel." And I'm reminded
and I'm weeping as I'm praying for all my loved ones who are struggling and
hurting. I'm praying that especially at this time Emmanuel, which means,
"God with us," is felt right now. I'm praying Jesus is known and felt
in every single situation, hardship, and trial we are facing.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When I was going through the saddest
time of my life, I can honestly say I felt and knew God's powerful love and
peace in ways I could never imagine possible. And that is my prayer for all my
loved ones, that especially today, the day before Christmas, we would know,
without a shadow of a doubt, God is with us. He loves us deeply and
unconditionally. He will give us peace and joy that transcends all
understanding. So cling to him, with all that you have, especially now, and
Emmanuel shall surely come to you. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Keep your eyes and your heart open. He will come to you in ways you did not think was possible.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Jesus is with us.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">----------------------------------------</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Oh come, Oh come, Emmanuel<br />
And ransom captive Israel<br />
That mourns in lonely exile here<br />
Until the Son of God appears<br />
<br />
Rejoice, Rejoice! <br />
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel! <br />
<br />
Oh come, Thou Dayspring, come and cheer<br />
Thy people with Thine advent here; <br />
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night<br />
And death's dark shadows put to flight<br />
<br />
Rejoice, Rejoice! <br />
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel! <br />
<br />
Oh come, Thou rod of Jesse, free<br />
Thine own from Satan's tyranny<br />
From depths of hell Thy people save<br />
And give them victory o'ver the grave<br />
<br />
Rejoice, Rejoice! <br />
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel! <br />
Rejoice, Rejoice! <br />
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Oh come, Oh come, Emmanuel</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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</span></span><br />
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<![endif]-->Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-73210236150892832582013-12-19T01:27:00.001-08:002013-12-19T12:45:38.511-08:00It Goes Too Fast, Enjoy It While You Can<div>
<div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf4HugFGs1KV-nItg7aImmmAHDkLi5vXsOMuS0iP3H8Gp7e0h9EAgDgJ42BdSZrvNZylKd3da7I8mVvPLpff2uaYJMoh5VPA7CBC_O253b6c9AHtU2PSRlgsvXWVbU6ftd69QOUIE9Rms/s1600/028.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf4HugFGs1KV-nItg7aImmmAHDkLi5vXsOMuS0iP3H8Gp7e0h9EAgDgJ42BdSZrvNZylKd3da7I8mVvPLpff2uaYJMoh5VPA7CBC_O253b6c9AHtU2PSRlgsvXWVbU6ftd69QOUIE9Rms/s320/028.JPG" width="320"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taken tonight at Jericho's last preschool Christmas performance. I'm one proud momma!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
I've been a bit emotional lately. I am that crazy mom.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
In three weeks we are starting a new phase in our life. Yesterday
was Jericho's orientation for Junior Kindergarten. It's a new program
for kids who turned five in December and were not able to start
transitional kindergarten this past September. As the principal was
talking to us she said, "this is harder for the parents than it is for
the students." And just like that the tears wouldn't stop. It's
true, the saying, "it goes too fast, enjoy it while you can." The person
who reminded me of that so many times is now on the other side of
heaven. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my sweet momma,
especially during days like these when I wish I could talk to her and ask
her, "were you this sad when I started kindergarten? Is this normal?"</div>
<div>
<br></div>
It
seems so silly to be sad. "They are only here for four hours, and then
they will be back home again," is what the principal said. But what this
really is, the beginning of school, is the beginning of a new life. You
see, when I became a mom, I struggled with letting go of my career and
being home with my baby. I loved my job. The work I did was life giving
to me and something I deeply enjoyed. I came to a crossroads once
Jericho was born. The minute I saw my baby, the one who had been in my
tummy for 35 weeks, and felt my heartbeat, I knew that there was nothing
that could keep me away from him. And though I loved my job, I knew
that the desire to be with Jericho every second possible was more.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
I
continued working until Jericho was ten months old. I felt the mommy
guilt. I was torn. I wanted to be a full time mommy but didn't want to
give up my job. After ten months James and I decided that it was time
for me to be home with Jericho. There would always be time for me to go
back to work. Exactly a week after I resigned, we found out that I was
pregnant with Karis. At that time I remember thinking, God's timing is
perfect.</div>
<div>
<br>Since then I have struggled with the idea that no one
will ever hire me again because I've "just been a stay at home mom."
I've struggled with my identity because I am not accomplishing tasks or
finishing projects or making even a penny. And now, just like that, life
is changing and my role as a momma is changing. My time of being a stay
at home mom is coming to an end. I'm coming to the the realization that
my baby is no longer a baby, while knowing in my heart that he will
always be my baby, no matter how old he is. I accept the truth, "it goes
too fast, enjoy it while you can."</div>
<div>
<br></div>
For me being a mom is
the most fulfilling and life giving thing that I have ever experienced. I
realize that the breastfeeding every two hours ends after a couple of
months. The sleepless nights, though during the time seems like they
will NEVER end, eventually do. And as one of my mom friends who has
grown children has told me, they are all potty trained before they go to
college. This whole thing, of being that person who does
every single thing for my baby, is coming to an end.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
And
tonight, as I tuck my boy in bed and say prayers with him that he
doesn't have any nightmares, I tell him how proud of him I am and that
I love him forever and ever (amen). I cover his face with kisses, and
snuggle him just long enough for him to tell me to stop because I'm
making him too hot. I study his face and see how his silky straight hair
falls so perfectly on his forehead, while his eyes flutter because he's
falling asleep. I will myself to enjoy it while I can. It is going way
too fast. And I thank God for giving me this sweet sweet boy to love
every day for the rest of my life.<br><br><br>Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-89397723215543128642012-12-17T14:34:00.001-08:002012-12-17T14:40:50.791-08:00A New Christmas<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">This time last year I was
broken and hurting. I was overwhelmed with life and in the deepest seasons of
sadness I'd ever been in. My mom, the person who had always been my rock,
passed away a few months before. </span>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">At the time I thought I was
ok. Now that I have a year behind me I realize that I was numb and surviving.
To be honest I was just trying to make it through the day. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">During that season I
desperately clung to Philippians 4:4-7</span><br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">"Rejoice
in The Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be
evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in
everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to
God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard
your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I believed those verses with
all my heart. Even during that season of sadness and grief, God gave me peace
and helped me to rejoice despite the circumstances.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">And today, even more so, I
believe Him. I believe that even during times of sadness I can have peace and I
can rejoice. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">During this time of year,
despite the hustle and bustle, happiness and sadness, joy and despair...we can
rejoice and we can have peace. Let us not forget about the beauty of this
season and the things that matter the most. Our love and faith in God, our
husbands, our children, our families, and our friends. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Jesus came to earth so that
we could have the greatest gift of all. Life everlasting with the creator and
giver of life. He also has given us the ability to love deeply, to
experience unfathomable joy, and to live life as fully as we can. In giving of
ourselves and serving others, He blesses us beyond understanding and continues to do so until the day that He calls us home.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">May God bless you and your
loved ones this Christmas, with the gifts only He can give.</span><br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">"Every
good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the </span></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">heavenly
lights..." </span></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">James
1:17</span></div>
Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-91525154863355493122012-09-14T15:22:00.001-07:002012-09-14T15:22:40.288-07:00God ALWAYS Appears to Those Who Need Him MostOver the course of this last year, since my mom's death, God has used
different people to reach out and comfort me through people who loved my
sweet momma too. Through emails, texts, phone calls, letters, and conversations,
just knowing that others were missing her made me realize how loved
she was.<br /><br />Today I received a letter in the mail. It was a letter
from one of my mom's closest friends from nursing school. She mailed me a
letter that she was sending out to the alumni of their school for a
fundraising concert they were doing. In her letter she said that she was
going through her mailing list and came across my mom's name. She
hadn't erased her name yet because she said she was still in denial. So instead of sending the letter to my mom, she sent it to me.<br />
<br />On Christmas, I received a text from my mom's friend whom she was in
bible study for many years. The text said that she was thinking of me
and my dad and sister and praying for us.<br /><br />This last April, one of
my mom's staff members emailed me. She told me a story about something that
happened that reminded her of my mom.<br /><br />A couple of months ago, my
uncle called me and asked me what my mom did about a certain situation
regarding my cousin going to college. She was starting as a freshman at
Azusa Pacific University, which is also Jenny and my alma mater. <br /><br />Two weeks ago,
I was talking to my aunt. She told me that she still can't believe that
my mom's gone. She still thinks about her and misses her all the time.<br /><br />When I
have big things coming up that I wish my mom was at, I wear her
necklace that she wore at my wedding. Last week after one of those
events, as I was getting Karis out of her carseat, she pulled my
necklace and said, "Nanay's necklace." Yes, my sweet girl, this is Nanay's necklace. How it warms my heart that Karis at 2 years old brings so much joy.<br /><br />The other night when I was putting Jericho to bed, I asked him who
the lady was in a picture on his dresser was. He said, "that's nanay,
and no one can ever take her from me." I asked him who told him that and
he said, "Jesus."<br /><br />Because of who my mom was in my life, it means
so much to me that people still talk about her, remember her, miss her.
It has been over a year that she has been in
heaven and it would make sense that I wouldn't miss her as I do. But
everyday I miss her. Every day I think about her. I am still learning
how to live my life without her in it. Sometimes I have these thoughts
of, "Oh, I'll just call her" and as I'm thinking the thought, at the
same time I'm shaking my head "no" because the thought is so ridiculous.
Now that she's been gone as long as she has, I feel like just now am I
realizing that my life's story has completely changed. When I tell my
story to others, it will now include the part of when my mom got sick
and when she died. And when I hear from others about how much they miss
her, or have been thinking of her, it is comforting to know that she is
not forgotten.<br /><br />Today at bible study that I have with two amazing
women, whom I know without a shadow of a doubt are gifts from God (one
who is my best friend of 21 years, and the other, God brought into my
life 1 month after my mom died and has become my spiritual mom), the
speaker was talking about how sometimes God takes us somewhere to allow
us to get to the other side (healthier, and with a better perspective)
in the future. She talked about how God always appears to those who need
Him most. And although now my story includes the life and death of my
mother, it now also includes how during the time of deepest sorrow in my
life, God was there. He showed me love and grace and peace and even joy
more that I have ever experienced during that season. Though this last
year is a blur, I can't even remember how I took care of my kids and had
enough emotional energy to maintain relationships with anyone, the one
relationship that was strengthened the very most was the one with the
person who is the very most of importance in my life today. I couldn't
have gotten through last year without many people, but mostly without
Jesus. Of all the things that I learned last year, it was this, God
always appears to those who need Him most. And not only did he appear,
he blessed, he took care, he comforted, he gave me joy, he carried me,
he brought restoration, he brought healing, and he brought peace.<br /><br />If you are going through a time of deep sorrow, BELIEVE and KNOW and TRUST this truth:<br /><br />God ALWAYS appears to those who need Him most.<br />
Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-18055404675713024992012-03-21T08:43:00.000-07:002012-03-21T15:17:36.995-07:00My 34th Birthday Resolution-- I Choose to be Fearless in LovingI have been having bittersweet feelings about this day for a while. My first birthday without my
mom. She always made it so special. Every March 20th, since I could
remember, it always started with a phone call with her singing happy
birthday and having lunch together. Last night I prayed that God would
let me have a dream with her in it, so it could feel like we were still
here together. I was sad when I woke up because I didn't have any dreams
or a happy birthday phone call.<br />
<br />
But today this is what I woke up to:<br />
<br />
This link <a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150617752976676" target="_blank">My Babies</a> takes you to a really sweet clip of my kids. I wish I could keep them like this forever!! <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUukszB7JagcZiGJ4rnCYplQpB14dENzVy8GzlSS9T66BnNX_LJ9REapeMn1F0nCT4TbQ2-PCTPdfFgrqzqJDVOTkuH6q1k2cnx2oUI4Vr9TFEvOKEZzhBO4thQf_Or78BRd61zH4lPbI/s1600/068.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUukszB7JagcZiGJ4rnCYplQpB14dENzVy8GzlSS9T66BnNX_LJ9REapeMn1F0nCT4TbQ2-PCTPdfFgrqzqJDVOTkuH6q1k2cnx2oUI4Vr9TFEvOKEZzhBO4thQf_Or78BRd61zH4lPbI/s320/068.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Roses from the best hubby in the world</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsfJh7AvyC6cKlgrW1wB0wzmiwgqr56d9T0hSgQ-BgMfpqgs0iWSKFe8-jN7tC7rV48_jlLaWjnwGjrKaqi8F7ZKTIJwaAH4ENbe9JjkivaEIGwKMs49Vs2kEo-fbRFKGEFzsbqUP1oCA/s1600/070.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsfJh7AvyC6cKlgrW1wB0wzmiwgqr56d9T0hSgQ-BgMfpqgs0iWSKFe8-jN7tC7rV48_jlLaWjnwGjrKaqi8F7ZKTIJwaAH4ENbe9JjkivaEIGwKMs49Vs2kEo-fbRFKGEFzsbqUP1oCA/s320/070.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The cake I found in the fridge</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-6G_454K9qQjTOaDbIZsAG3BWbbwZCZkLBaX3W85j3NsVSj8KsXD0IT3jkZdnsg01sGbt0zAZGHOFKqLABqzIbf0lkcdKodSRmRFlY9AYO5OnhO9Lgm0JMJPN9RpSCPdHCBNuksABKGA/s1600/029.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj60-CFc-qt39biwtA_okyV6U_Z7dzHhXo_mDCnmCM80lrJ5-BVgfnxonimF3amvbKCNr3MHy5EiIoUO57htprle3bChkyGCHr8FHOzg8zQZ15Bn5PJV9PizUJ0k0jDmH-1dTA4cG_xfWI/s1600/030.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
Oh my heart is so full!<br />
<br />
One
of the biggest blessings this year has been my mentor mom, Shelly. When I got to MOPS last Wednesday, she surprised me by decorating our table in pink with beautiful
flowers and the yummiest homemade cupcakes I have EVER had! She really has a way of making people feel loved!<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp9X5sO-xFLAAt7iXcLDD0fYFi59IC4bqFu1JAN9b0Ymy5RgfUkQF39INHGKEBwpycCWQW3VVKz16FnGwbo0Mqw0PBAcs1yXUY5P7M-BUc8h8t17V-EEyDI4R35b-Z38Fj_E_G9oLfNgc/s1600/483.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp9X5sO-xFLAAt7iXcLDD0fYFi59IC4bqFu1JAN9b0Ymy5RgfUkQF39INHGKEBwpycCWQW3VVKz16FnGwbo0Mqw0PBAcs1yXUY5P7M-BUc8h8t17V-EEyDI4R35b-Z38Fj_E_G9oLfNgc/s320/483.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Shelly</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggreI0GaTJ5xYp_2orI3FskQq0FrYTwF5lIXUuv9GT9viQTuZRxmpV7l4bT35-Q4jYGcGKA2LsStG7YSHuZPIB2S9GXKaR1ohpAXgAKsCksO_RLZ67osUDK2Xsf0ErKHL64Mfm82eE0iE/s1600/489.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggreI0GaTJ5xYp_2orI3FskQq0FrYTwF5lIXUuv9GT9viQTuZRxmpV7l4bT35-Q4jYGcGKA2LsStG7YSHuZPIB2S9GXKaR1ohpAXgAKsCksO_RLZ67osUDK2Xsf0ErKHL64Mfm82eE0iE/s320/489.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty flowers and the BEST cupcakes ever</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
This
weekend, James and I had a nice lunch at one of my favorite restaurants.
Just the two of us. Then we spent the rest of our afternoon working on house projects. Which typically
wouldn't be that fun, but since we didn't have any of the kids with us
(they were having a blast with their grandparents), it was like a date
for us. We were able to work on projects, laugh together, and not have
to worry about kids who were trying to kill each other. AND my aunt
brought home pie and made coffee for us. Lunch with my best friend, sweets
and coffee, and free babysitting? What a fun day celebrating with
James!!!<br />
<br />
Monday was a wonderful day. I spent the morning with the babies at
their school with two of my dear girlfriends. And then one of my bestest
friends come over to watch the kids so I could get a massage that she
bought for me for Christmas, so I could get my eyebrows done (the brow bar at Macy's gives free eyebrow waxing on birthdays), and kid free shopping at Trader
Joes.<br />
<br />
When I was done I came home to a clean house (all my dishes were
done) the house was picked up, and it was quiet (kids were asleep)! I
felt like I won the lotto!! Cheryl is such a true and devoted friend. We have been friends for 21 years. So thankful for her in my life!<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1CwmwZ_R-utPbX2eHJ4IY7DnJwbdSfkdkSt0sfkEeXe4z_Lz5E_gCJC1EGJ82srYVnQCAmGgp7FQOtmk7JQ7aaTDoEPkJFSinfjSK_m1mQB3J2Vo9fIVu6gsyX4GlxS5kJ9NKC1J_S8s/s1600/046.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1CwmwZ_R-utPbX2eHJ4IY7DnJwbdSfkdkSt0sfkEeXe4z_Lz5E_gCJC1EGJ82srYVnQCAmGgp7FQOtmk7JQ7aaTDoEPkJFSinfjSK_m1mQB3J2Vo9fIVu6gsyX4GlxS5kJ9NKC1J_S8s/s320/046.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cher knows how much I LOVE my hot cheetos</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
And today....my actual birthday....<br />
<br />
My
hubby called me and sang happy birthday in his wonderful singing voice!
My kids and I were able to sleep in til 9am. One of my dearest friends
treated me and the kids to lunch. And I really cannot even thank
everyone enough for making my birthday so blessed and making me feel so
loved and special. All of the phone calls, text messages, emails, and Facebook
posts, they really do make a girl feel loved! <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAiC3C34ENprbcmL8VC8o65RVgvX5n-4nh2h2ajbBkeFuIpjdPrmD4ZKNh30CGEZ1M219J6Eow8Wi-8YxZFIlnremkHcfnWP-IbtDG_owXTGewzQs0Zp1bUJ3UU2ZrAKbmAE1n3Of0tHE/s1600/058.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAiC3C34ENprbcmL8VC8o65RVgvX5n-4nh2h2ajbBkeFuIpjdPrmD4ZKNh30CGEZ1M219J6Eow8Wi-8YxZFIlnremkHcfnWP-IbtDG_owXTGewzQs0Zp1bUJ3UU2ZrAKbmAE1n3Of0tHE/s320/058.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The kids posing after lunch</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXONCqimXw3L05wPuhVn3oU-jRDbhSJ3gtq43486WTP9YIsf7svCDVZdUdZRttfCDX2prDFJrfLxuKMGRE4UtrsB6CSwjIjAbgJe6CZX8_VD7YhjRdWW8_PYJALcb8-Bu_ihrsZkayL2U/s1600/059.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXONCqimXw3L05wPuhVn3oU-jRDbhSJ3gtq43486WTP9YIsf7svCDVZdUdZRttfCDX2prDFJrfLxuKMGRE4UtrsB6CSwjIjAbgJe6CZX8_VD7YhjRdWW8_PYJALcb8-Bu_ihrsZkayL2U/s320/059.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Coffee and a red velvet cupcake with my baby boy</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
This afternoon the kids gave me a really amazing gift...a nap, and I was able to
really think and soak in all of the blessings of this past day, week,
and year. I have been surrounded by so much love, so much grace, and so
much joy, even despite the pain and ache of missing my mom. God has given me so many people who love me so well, so much I
know I don't deserve it, and I am beyond thankful.<br />
<br />
Tonight we went to dinner with my favorite people in the world,
James, my babies, and my sister. (Dad, we will celebrate with you when
you are in town!)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4WDl58ZcZM0zS5aaZDkpiTAmaTH9inBLQlPHtHH6D-4C-4yDUqC7nEEHWOpnDPXKDNbd5qH50JEcRm_asxEHi0xdV6yag44Td1gP5LZnAuIenDjR4ekK6fji25JBno2CpKOl-dfWdtIE/s1600/071.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4WDl58ZcZM0zS5aaZDkpiTAmaTH9inBLQlPHtHH6D-4C-4yDUqC7nEEHWOpnDPXKDNbd5qH50JEcRm_asxEHi0xdV6yag44Td1gP5LZnAuIenDjR4ekK6fji25JBno2CpKOl-dfWdtIE/s320/071.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I DO NOT deserve this man!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPwtJpEAFzqI3kmChrk3NVDC-wljvMg8eVcehbNAs7jaeD5rtDMFd_7jpoOAoxAHdW7uc-TmEfRvJYk9VaOCBX_Fexez2vB4Y1v8_JST6iqS_w7EBit20lusVGeAlSp3pfzm0bn8U3IPQ/s1600/077.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPwtJpEAFzqI3kmChrk3NVDC-wljvMg8eVcehbNAs7jaeD5rtDMFd_7jpoOAoxAHdW7uc-TmEfRvJYk9VaOCBX_Fexez2vB4Y1v8_JST6iqS_w7EBit20lusVGeAlSp3pfzm0bn8U3IPQ/s320/077.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love these people!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivnMiptsXhg9uXpUzjUGoCE12UD6tjD5SncsadJ2PCEDFDmr_cpKDKDhO5sY6did39geFPqxfdbEqakx-wMDTJFoDNFWn1aLuWkU_ME4muGm61ofTeNHDPs1Yx34s3OwJNUFFv4jh745k/s1600/082.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivnMiptsXhg9uXpUzjUGoCE12UD6tjD5SncsadJ2PCEDFDmr_cpKDKDhO5sY6did39geFPqxfdbEqakx-wMDTJFoDNFWn1aLuWkU_ME4muGm61ofTeNHDPs1Yx34s3OwJNUFFv4jh745k/s320/082.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sad effort at trying to get a group shot</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXtTVJ1r1C2NOA8k1NCcwS_MviCcToMhdLPbnsBDti3nGv7Jv_Un3dxa8V87DrlBw8tZuxHnyzJ3GsSJJKXVp-ujRIfKcWmrWh28Zwr-tTOgyezwaV4hNeZQj3owQsL3zTkxfirF6DJ1w/s1600/086.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXtTVJ1r1C2NOA8k1NCcwS_MviCcToMhdLPbnsBDti3nGv7Jv_Un3dxa8V87DrlBw8tZuxHnyzJ3GsSJJKXVp-ujRIfKcWmrWh28Zwr-tTOgyezwaV4hNeZQj3owQsL3zTkxfirF6DJ1w/s320/086.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Such a typical end of the night picture for us. James is almost asleep, Jericho is laughing uncontrollably, Karis with her wild hair, and I'm the only one looking at the camera!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
As I reflect on this past year, I have decided that this year I want to be fearless in loving. I
want to love more and without fear of losing or hurting.
Because in the end loving and being loved is really what makes
a life, right? I want to be known as a person who was fearless in
loving no matter what.<br />
<br />
Although I miss my mom so much and wish with all of my heart that she was still here, I know I will see her again. All the years I spent loving my mom have made my life so rich, and though it hurts to love, so many times, I choose to love more without fear.<br />
<br />
And really, how can I hold back? I have been so loved by my God in ways that are unexplainable; through a husband I truly do not deserve, babies who bring me so much joy I cannot contain myself, and loved ones who have loved me so well and so much during my darkest storms...<br />
<br />
So here is my attempt for my 34th birthday resolution--I choose to be fearless in loving!Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-86082720352941067802012-02-17T11:51:00.000-08:002012-02-17T16:14:05.078-08:00Happy birthday, momma<a href="http://mommychristianfaith.blogspot.com/2011/12/best-christmas-my-mom-has-ever-had.html" target="_blank"></a>Birthdays are a big deal. At least my mom always made it
one. It wasn't just a celebration on my actual "birth" day, it was a
celebration on the day, weekend, and week. She had a way of making me
feel so celebrated, loved, and special. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1LwM6nku9dUBXZ761VTSJ5_Km9sFVD0bsH5WJ8ruenjhfuLYtxUrr62pAzoDh7EdTfBBuD4ytxbOoe3NcALNg1Ui4VWDjFqFYhccPZ-jFCKmpTvQcm4eZ0bwpOnSTuS5Gyl4UvpX28cc/s1600/IMG_6503.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1LwM6nku9dUBXZ761VTSJ5_Km9sFVD0bsH5WJ8ruenjhfuLYtxUrr62pAzoDh7EdTfBBuD4ytxbOoe3NcALNg1Ui4VWDjFqFYhccPZ-jFCKmpTvQcm4eZ0bwpOnSTuS5Gyl4UvpX28cc/s320/IMG_6503.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
And today, she is celebrating her very first birthday in heaven. And I know, without a doubt in my mind, that this is the best birthday she has ever had. Similar to the post about my mom's best Christmas, (you can click on the link to bring you to that post <a href="http://mommychristianfaith.blogspot.com/2011/12/best-christmas-my-mom-has-ever-had.html" target="_blank">http://mommychristianfaith.blogspot.com/2011/12/best-christmas-my-mom-has-ever-had.html</a>) <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=93381730665043654#editor/target=post;postID=5993582143666124769" target="_blank"></a> I can hardly fathom her joy celebrating with Jesus, and I know that He is making her feel so celebrated, loved, and special. <br />
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One of the funniest memories I have of my mom on one of her birthdays was when we went out to dinner at the Outback Steakhouse. We all ordered steak, because that's what you do at a steakhouse, right? No, not my mom. She ordered fettuccine alfredo. She never lived that one down. <br />
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The best memory I have of celebrating my mom was at her surprise 60th birthday party last year. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhducCY0ROh7geyzlQF117SrMTGbeG7nJXFjEhkLU5vdXz4uFpKqvbYMzlycTsdRjFKW8w1cm7dmQsEOTc58RlURTH9kkTElulJ43yD-4DJdCfH9YQeiuiI81R5RWWRTGKcoEIgmOPHaUM/s1600/surprise.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhducCY0ROh7geyzlQF117SrMTGbeG7nJXFjEhkLU5vdXz4uFpKqvbYMzlycTsdRjFKW8w1cm7dmQsEOTc58RlURTH9kkTElulJ43yD-4DJdCfH9YQeiuiI81R5RWWRTGKcoEIgmOPHaUM/s320/surprise.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container"><tbody>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> This is one of my favorite pictures from her party. The three amigos
yelling "surprise." I love all of their expressions, and my mom is no doubt in shock!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg70r9IEwH97k6ZQNZqW-1IPcQhzcWxa_7JYdlJdpEUAPWIk0XaBVrbrlrg0Z3bd-KutgpIkciKNeFPxJbOTBz6JYP7ybP9hM8tE1FvHP7oYrXEDIOXObhvtvk0JOCqSjBWfVgDDxurBB8/s1600/DSC_0042.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg70r9IEwH97k6ZQNZqW-1IPcQhzcWxa_7JYdlJdpEUAPWIk0XaBVrbrlrg0Z3bd-KutgpIkciKNeFPxJbOTBz6JYP7ybP9hM8tE1FvHP7oYrXEDIOXObhvtvk0JOCqSjBWfVgDDxurBB8/s320/DSC_0042.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Everyone yelling surprise! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZjFH5g0YQGmHOFxQki2mS4QQY3dsyEXg154Ep7UqEnopYclIpv3N5j7sWEt9dbtxdZUedEYNHhNonufaNrZotMoUIKQ4Wn-U08lErSIo10ngt08L1LHpIz2qZeotRzNQf-icNjJCLRc/s1600/IMG_6551.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZjFH5g0YQGmHOFxQki2mS4QQY3dsyEXg154Ep7UqEnopYclIpv3N5j7sWEt9dbtxdZUedEYNHhNonufaNrZotMoUIKQ4Wn-U08lErSIo10ngt08L1LHpIz2qZeotRzNQf-icNjJCLRc/s320/IMG_6551.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All of my mom's siblings.It was especially special because they were
the ones who pulled this celebration off and made it happen. </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZCSIwAFjVhq_8BSxn3gnlK_ZO-SMZoRSklpQEv98QqwW6kGdDwfj0MhZVaNir8H6QzfudXyYqOPLamCqLYUkLiq4hy6q3Hj28RIpmMn_4fO2c3fil0NISEvpFzDFIDqdZfbT1ee3TIIc/s1600/IMG_6562.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZCSIwAFjVhq_8BSxn3gnlK_ZO-SMZoRSklpQEv98QqwW6kGdDwfj0MhZVaNir8H6QzfudXyYqOPLamCqLYUkLiq4hy6q3Hj28RIpmMn_4fO2c3fil0NISEvpFzDFIDqdZfbT1ee3TIIc/s320/IMG_6562.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My mom's in-laws who were like siblings to her.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglUgRrQ0gt66pur9yD6koaKDTg2Qy8utOsD7EOi4l-SLXRpOBGEsTChJMafleyKcFCcOhgkYDe7C2MtIasbChlhdgUgfmaMPGpY6tNRy4nnNOI-sNI-u8Arj971Z5YQyJ1qYRZgaOVUl0/s1600/IMG_6559.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglUgRrQ0gt66pur9yD6koaKDTg2Qy8utOsD7EOi4l-SLXRpOBGEsTChJMafleyKcFCcOhgkYDe7C2MtIasbChlhdgUgfmaMPGpY6tNRy4nnNOI-sNI-u8Arj971Z5YQyJ1qYRZgaOVUl0/s320/IMG_6559.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My mom's cousins whom she was close to. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU_3Q7pCF4-d4DTvWubIBxEfIfoCw13JKx7oTDJGrFAMBXIn3M8QSjCmTJNxN4KmR4_WROcM0zT0p4qjagxp5lESTuvORVSr5SOw3rSoHq00o23tKw62WO32JzrQiQnwjxwdbj-r9TT6w/s1600/IMG_6556.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU_3Q7pCF4-d4DTvWubIBxEfIfoCw13JKx7oTDJGrFAMBXIn3M8QSjCmTJNxN4KmR4_WROcM0zT0p4qjagxp5lESTuvORVSr5SOw3rSoHq00o23tKw62WO32JzrQiQnwjxwdbj-r9TT6w/s320/IMG_6556.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Her beloved co-workers and staff. She really loved them and their support meant the world to her. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So much planing went into that party. And it was perfect. Many of us
were able to tell her and show her how much we loved her and how much
she meant to us. She told us that she would never forget that birthday
for the rest of her life. Little did any of us know, she would only be
with us for five more months.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/s2uwqfswVLs?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<br />
There was something beautiful about the way God allowed my mom to know how much she was loved through that party, and I am so thankful that she knew while she was still here with us.<br />
<br />
Most times people only share how they feel at funerals. And at that point it is too late. Please don't wait to let people know how much they mean to you, how much better your life is because of them, and how deeply you really love them, because it doesn't do any good telling them when they aren't here anymore. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ0jUISUjcgxCGojmC6HoZ5XBAV9mZaapWDvEO3pE0hi38Y_5yQiyYsWNC-QU5B07EM9E0azZWE8ckTfSd7vAUUlFSiv8u59SpnYKGTga-_LnCb7itGGqsdJcQn_NHofUn13uN8FkLKts/s1600/IMG_6523.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ0jUISUjcgxCGojmC6HoZ5XBAV9mZaapWDvEO3pE0hi38Y_5yQiyYsWNC-QU5B07EM9E0azZWE8ckTfSd7vAUUlFSiv8u59SpnYKGTga-_LnCb7itGGqsdJcQn_NHofUn13uN8FkLKts/s320/IMG_6523.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
My mom's time here on earth was too short for me. But the reality is that it is too short for all of us. Don't wait to let people know how much they mean to you. We really don't have that much time. <br />
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Happy birthday momma! I know this is the best birthday you have EVER had and I am so grateful that God gave you to me. You were the most amazing mom and I couldn't ask for more. There are no words that can begin to describe how much I miss and love you. Till we meet again. I love you, momma!Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-36801046534917798552012-01-26T15:28:00.000-08:002012-01-26T15:28:36.012-08:00What did you do to your mom to make you deserve this??<span style="font-family: Arial;">The day before Christmas
eve, James surprised me with an early Christmas gift. He took the day off of
work and it was perfect so I could get some last minute Christmas shopping done.
I was able to find myself a cute Christmas outfit (very important), and it allowed the four of us
to spend the day together before we celebrated with our entire
family. After breakfast I took Karis with me shopping, and James took </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">Jericho</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> on a daddy date to the kid museum.</span>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Hallelujah! With one kid, I
went shopping. What a breeze!</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXNGxGmbFqR8uMnlisX8kCh8EV16RRdk1mlujJ3TYKA0kvtmzUtn9cPR4hXpUW0D6ARTfIAI2R85z82TX5AodMubm-0dOjHKTfbyZzD6GMchv9OsLGBaW02bsE0f0DK8W4LgFILVbpmoU/s1600/022.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXNGxGmbFqR8uMnlisX8kCh8EV16RRdk1mlujJ3TYKA0kvtmzUtn9cPR4hXpUW0D6ARTfIAI2R85z82TX5AodMubm-0dOjHKTfbyZzD6GMchv9OsLGBaW02bsE0f0DK8W4LgFILVbpmoU/s320/022.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What happened to her sock and shoe?</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Or so I thought. While I was
shopping Karis was fussing a little bit so I took it as my cue to hurry up. At
the counter as I was paying she found a lip gloss she wanted. I tried to
distract her with mine and she threw it on the floor. After I paid, we left the
store. At that point Karis was crying and screaming inconsolably, the way kids
do when people stop and stare because it truly is a sight to see. I tried to
hold her, comfort her, have her walk on her own. And this is what ended up
happening. On the floor, the day before Christmas eve, me with a bunch of bags
and a stroller and a crazy baby. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">For the last two weeks Karis
has been sick with the stomach flu, an eye infection (which she has been on
antibiotics for), and welcoming five new teeth. All at once. My child who
sleeps 12 hours a night decided that she would wake up every single night at 1
and or 3 and 5 in the morning, almost every night for the last two weeks. AND she
will cry bloody murder and won’t stop until I pick her up, read her a book, turn on cartoons, and/or give her cheerios and water. Oh my goodness, I’m
creating a monster!</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdlmgGuFmf2irgLlATPrtzDLMJ7EjSZLTOWdyznqN0uLDPs3Rg1PEz8itVlAsRz99C9mJH-V6z4cGrMJEeE8FHU4yF2nkmBPppwqM-5-uiLPky03ntIVkNWIqejxWjUfAMQVo1c-DHTHE/s1600/077.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdlmgGuFmf2irgLlATPrtzDLMJ7EjSZLTOWdyznqN0uLDPs3Rg1PEz8itVlAsRz99C9mJH-V6z4cGrMJEeE8FHU4yF2nkmBPppwqM-5-uiLPky03ntIVkNWIqejxWjUfAMQVo1c-DHTHE/s320/077.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">sad eye (it's all better now!)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijm7dhf3pxrSy3qK4s00kjY1DKrkv0d00OtwXNKivMg9mpBVZpl4JrjPh3RnfC23k-W-_BTC2FHWsJ69n6hGQ3xBL7YKlbhDfaZ_Pm7zs93TIxvAFoxsziJoxjr1KEwzUJNvD4QOM-u8Q/s1600/006.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijm7dhf3pxrSy3qK4s00kjY1DKrkv0d00OtwXNKivMg9mpBVZpl4JrjPh3RnfC23k-W-_BTC2FHWsJ69n6hGQ3xBL7YKlbhDfaZ_Pm7zs93TIxvAFoxsziJoxjr1KEwzUJNvD4QOM-u8Q/s320/006.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is she giving me a dirty look? This is 1am by the way</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Since
we were going on a getaway trip for James’ birthday weekend, we were praying
really hard that Karis would magically get better and start sleeping through
the night again.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA7wRPtjXdojR7FQSaZWeAfPJ9I4FrBiTIgkUDWpoWRjFG8ZT_0MHObe_KlNkBni-ZdNxYKAGrPXHAKdI56IC0CE3mvEQzqKUc6u0DCMhtQsFW-c_7sw7uJJ5644U4Sd2ziOfhhcRQUaY/s1600/192.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA7wRPtjXdojR7FQSaZWeAfPJ9I4FrBiTIgkUDWpoWRjFG8ZT_0MHObe_KlNkBni-ZdNxYKAGrPXHAKdI56IC0CE3mvEQzqKUc6u0DCMhtQsFW-c_7sw7uJJ5644U4Sd2ziOfhhcRQUaY/s320/192.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Watching The Little Mermaid (1am Saturday morning)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4UqgIweVd_nF23viBKOh8IfjFQ6nTcWqcPxnl4uC8FuE3P3_eW_H-7m9EjFp7pJpWEnMXO7Qt_G1Y9KOZ0B55Ri6bc_6KddvhNSgJFeEyuXoj45K7Inom60yZAIZK2ullVoX5CdG6uRA/s1600/268.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4UqgIweVd_nF23viBKOh8IfjFQ6nTcWqcPxnl4uC8FuE3P3_eW_H-7m9EjFp7pJpWEnMXO7Qt_G1Y9KOZ0B55Ri6bc_6KddvhNSgJFeEyuXoj45K7Inom60yZAIZK2ullVoX5CdG6uRA/s320/268.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Walking around the hotel (2am Sunday morning). Why is she so happy?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhre_Nag2e0PJbRgePjPpwWBVxpi700fpUrdFH9ZLYnhXvLyPEd8yL-4DrQEMUjp-vB9s068T6UgLIZRRMebe2PmwgRXBR5Gd_rJW_hFN2N_v6Co2dek2GRy10zjemR4RDDUl0Ai1aIYU/s1600/269.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhre_Nag2e0PJbRgePjPpwWBVxpi700fpUrdFH9ZLYnhXvLyPEd8yL-4DrQEMUjp-vB9s068T6UgLIZRRMebe2PmwgRXBR5Gd_rJW_hFN2N_v6Co2dek2GRy10zjemR4RDDUl0Ai1aIYU/s320/269.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Watching Finding Nemo (430am)</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">We were so wrong. This
girl barely took a nap all day, and at </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">1:00am</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> all that would console her was watching Finding Nemo as we all tried to
sleep in the hotel room. The next morning at </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">2am</span><span style="font-family: Arial;">
she was done with letting us sleep and would not stop crying. I decided to walk
her around the halls of the hotel and one of the workers stopped me to ask if I
was lost. I’m not sure it is that weird for a mom to be walking her little girl
in a stroller at </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">2am</span><span style="font-family: Arial;">. I prayed that
God would make Karis feel better and let her little body calm down and rest.
Ten minutes later she was snoring. Relief!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaBOjmRBPCeSOsEldegiUXAQnop_gb8XaMkIbbCj68wwN-K3DbQLL74Pcy-YN6FtkKA2MTzdmJ7cFAdi3B74F4UVJAzs3VXkA9l_XeyC3Iqc6lUD1gUJZKYw1LnulxyyG__xdZQUA7a04/s1600/259.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaBOjmRBPCeSOsEldegiUXAQnop_gb8XaMkIbbCj68wwN-K3DbQLL74Pcy-YN6FtkKA2MTzdmJ7cFAdi3B74F4UVJAzs3VXkA9l_XeyC3Iqc6lUD1gUJZKYw1LnulxyyG__xdZQUA7a04/s320/259.PNG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looks can be deceiving!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Karis slept soundly until </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">6am</span><span style="font-family: Arial;">
and the crying and screaming began again. I know you are thinking, really,
Karis? She is so quiet and gentle. But this girl, when she gets mad, you don’t
know what hit you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"> When we got up later that
morning, James asked me, “What did you do to your mom to deserve this?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Oh, how much this question
brought me back to many arguments my sweet momma and I had during my
wonderful high school years. There were many times my mom would tell me, “When
you have kids, you’ll understand. They might even treat you how your treat me.” And my response at the time was always, "Then you must have been really bad!" Now that I
have kids, I understand. My daughter is only 19 months old and I don’t ever
know what I did to deserve this! </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">I know my mom is smiling down from heaven because
payback is a you know what. But I love and adore my daughter, especially when
she wakes up from giving us a night of misery and all
she wants to do is hug me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I think about how much I
want to tell my mom how much I love her and how I hear her words, “You’ll thank
me later,” and let her know how truly grateful I am that she loved me so
strongly, so bravely, and so well. Especially, during the years that I really gave her hell. I want to tell her how thankful I am that
none of my crying and screaming and throwing fits, and telling her God awful things ever stopped her from loving
me. And what an example she is to me of always showing grace and letting me know how special and loved I am. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Dear God, please have mercy on my when my Karis becomes a teenager. Please help my Karis realize before she's 33 years old that I am her biggest cheerleader, that there will never be anything that will make me stop loving her, and please let her believe me when I tell her, "been there done that," as my momma would always say.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Father, please give me the faith, courage, and strength to be the mom mine was to me.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgtjVGbnU6svjY78lLsYFEZenvFUbwstP_YnafVYUnXJn76_U-N7NPj1MOSHtlpd75iG2AbSSpuZ8CBr_JRc1ykLGv_4EQFE_gwHSJb_skkm8LodA2Tw9Yyw3uztodCmLi6-1a06wywxw/s1600/me+and+momma+001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgtjVGbnU6svjY78lLsYFEZenvFUbwstP_YnafVYUnXJn76_U-N7NPj1MOSHtlpd75iG2AbSSpuZ8CBr_JRc1ykLGv_4EQFE_gwHSJb_skkm8LodA2Tw9Yyw3uztodCmLi6-1a06wywxw/s320/me+and+momma+001.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My momma and her crazy girl (1979)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfm5TINk_FjjogU329infWj-u0SO_hYeO3LyXz7pPZPlyNkqNP3XnVwxi6zrvYoqhQ-6SoYl9jO5ZGUgyghf9KoE7GRAO2hHfPzkDub5ohufHqLMzePIfwoe1FVF1z97Teeq_4DjCwxL4/s1600/260.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfm5TINk_FjjogU329infWj-u0SO_hYeO3LyXz7pPZPlyNkqNP3XnVwxi6zrvYoqhQ-6SoYl9jO5ZGUgyghf9KoE7GRAO2hHfPzkDub5ohufHqLMzePIfwoe1FVF1z97Teeq_4DjCwxL4/s320/260.PNG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my crazy girl (2012)</td></tr>
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</div>Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-207503567721992492012-01-07T16:03:00.000-08:002012-01-08T00:15:34.734-08:00God Makes Us Better<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8t6iD3NtlBnJbGIKIM53m4TQStUd9pzMfFo9KDBBDB_DRJ80Px5BhyphenhyphenlJFm_qDKszQdBUiDnIUHZDQHt38xFgbj7kC_hRzamjfQHRxIev8rmyKpI9xBZ0LaIYUz_r3Ly5BH6823IogAqE/s1600/DSC_0036.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8t6iD3NtlBnJbGIKIM53m4TQStUd9pzMfFo9KDBBDB_DRJ80Px5BhyphenhyphenlJFm_qDKszQdBUiDnIUHZDQHt38xFgbj7kC_hRzamjfQHRxIev8rmyKpI9xBZ0LaIYUz_r3Ly5BH6823IogAqE/s320/DSC_0036.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
I love the tender moments of the every day with my Jericho. It's January 7th, and as much as I hate to put Christmas decorations away, I know it's time. There is no hint of Christmas anywhere. The stores are full of Valentine's day decorations, it's 75 degrees outside, and Christmas has come and gone so quickly I barely have any memories of the last three weeks because it was such a whirlwind.<br />
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That's why I am so thankful for traditions and memories, and I realize that I want to leave a legacy for my children and my family and my friends. And as sentimental as I am, I need pictures and items to remind me of the tender memories tucked deeply in the back of my mind. Three years ago I started collecting Christmas ornaments that represented the year.<br />
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In 2008, there were two ornaments, one of a picture of James and I together, a week before Jericho was born, the very last time it would be just him and me. And the other, a picture of James, me, and Jericho on his first Christmas. In 2009, the ornament was of Santa with two children on his lap, one named Jericho, and the other one named baby.<br />
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In 2010, the ornament was of the four of us in a 2010 frame, and the other ornament of the word FAITH, representing the faith we had that God was going to miraculously heal my mom, and also representative of Karis' middle name, and how it reflected the baby girl added to our family and the love of Christ that she represented. That particular ornament was purchased on one of the last trips we took with my mom to Santa Barbara.<br />
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In 2011, one ornament was of Jericho with trains (perfect because of his love for them, and his 3rd Train Birthday Party), and the other was of Karis with ladybugs on the frame (again with many representations). The most special one, being a frame with an angel on top of my mom's picture. Of course, representing the angel that heaven gained on July 10, 2011, and the hole left in my heart for the rest of my life.<br />
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Jericho was "helping" me take down the ornaments from the tree and I showed him the one with my mom's picture on it. I asked him if he knew who she was. He said, "It's Nanay. Is she sick, or is she better?" And I told him, "She's better now." His next response being, "Did God make her better?" And my answer with tears in my eyes, "Yes, baby, God made her better."<br />
<br />
It's still hard. Every day I still have to ask myself if she really died. But the truth is, God made her better. He made her better in a different way than I asked. I may not understand, or know why He chooses to do what He does, but He always makes us better. And I am thankful that my three year old son knows, that no matter what the outcome is, God ALWAYS makes us better.Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-31815552508554152692011-12-31T16:09:00.000-08:002012-01-08T00:16:04.796-08:00My Mom's Death- The one thing I never thought I could surviveIt's been a hard year, the hardest year and ten months of my life, but God has given me so much peace and comfort. This has been a hard year for many of us. Loss of jobs, loss of homes, loss of loved ones, and the list goes on. Five months ago, I lost the rock in my life, my dad lost his wife of 34 years, my sister lost her mom, and my children lost their nanay. It's amazing how it still doesn't seem real. It still feels as if she is still here.<br />
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The greatest gifts my mom gave me was her joy, zeal for life, love for me, and her braveness. My mom loved hard, forgave so much, and truly lived her life. When she was diagnosed with cancer she told me, I may have cancer, but cancer doesn't have me. She loved God. She placed her trust in Him. And until the day she died she loved with her entire life. Everything she did was for others. Especially for my dad, me, my sister, and my children.<br />
<br />
Because of the closeness that my mom and I shared, my mom's death was the one thing I never thought I could survive. But time and time again God has comforted me, given me peace and joy even though I thought it was impossible.<br />
<br />
In Psalm 136 it says 26 times that God's love endures forever. No matter what hardship, disappointment, sadness, or trial we face, the one thing we have certainty in is that His love endures forever. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God.<br />
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None of us knows what tomorrow brings. We are not guaranteed anything in life, except that if we know the Lord, he will fill all of those places that are hurting and afraid. We also know that this world is not the end. That when we die, if we have a relationship with him, we will be with him in heaven and my mom and I will be together again. I cannot wait for that.<br />
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As we anticipate the end of this year, and the newness of 2012, I am thankful for God's love for me. No matter what we go through--good or bad, His love never fails. His love endures forever.Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-59935821436661247692011-12-22T22:41:00.000-08:002011-12-22T22:41:27.714-08:00The Best Christmas My Mom Has Ever HadI found a journal entry I wrote exactly a year ago today. Coincidentally, the picture of me and the kids with my mom, on the blog header, was our taken during ourlast Christmas together last year. What I wrote below makes me realize how much more every single day is a gift. We do not know what the future holds for any of us. God didn’t answer my prayer as I begged him to. But as my mother-in-law told me the other day, a week after she lost her sister to a year long battle with cancer, “They are in a better place than us, walking on the streets of gold.” <br />
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If you are still blessed to have your mom (or dad) with you here on earth, please celebrate with her this Christmas the blessing she is to you and all she has done for you. And, I will continue to thank God for giving me an amazing momma, for me to love and cherish for 33 years here on earth. <br />
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December 22, 2010 1230am <br />
Hilton, San Diego, CA<br />
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I don't want to forget this day for a really long time. We are on vacation in San Diego with mom, dad, Boogs, and the kids. It is an awful time to be in San Diego. The weather is rainy and no sunshine in sight. This is not typical of San Diego. Usually it is beautiful. It hurts to be here. I still want to live here, but with my mom near me too. Jesus please bring us back to San Diego one day. <br />
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We just found out that mom's cancer may have spread. I want to enjoy every day that I can with her. I don't want to forget her smile, her laugh, the way she keeps me from sleeping because her snoring is like a lawnmower right in my ear. You would never know that she is worried or sad. She is too busy being my mom, being Nanay to my kids. She is making sure that we are ok, that we are not worried about her or sad. But the truth is that all I think about is her getting better, how much I already miss her, how much I am mourning that my children will never know her like I did. They may not even remember her and all we'll have are memories of her. And all I’ll want, is my mom. <br />
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Jesus please heal her. Please provide a miracle for us. Please help her not to suffer and to really live the last of her days here on earth. Please fill her life with joy and peace. Please help me to love her and enjoy every minute with her. Jesus please give us amazing memories. Please help me to soak in every piece of her. Please fill our days with times that we will never ever forget. Jesus please provide a miracle for us. <br />
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Till we meet again, momma. I can’t wait to rejoice with you on the streets of gold. I know you’re having the best Christmas you’ve ever had.Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-8918967849742923592011-12-08T11:41:00.000-08:002011-12-08T11:41:14.995-08:00Jericho's PrayerMost of the time I talk about how God knew I needed to have Karis. My baby girl, the one who I can have, especially during the times I miss my mom the very most. But tonight I am reminded why God knew that I had to have Jericho. For the last month or so, Jericho has been saying the prayer before we have dinner. His usual prayer is thanking God for his trains and cars and all the people close to his heart. But tonight it was different. His prayer went like this, "Jesus, we thank you for mommy and daddy. Jesus, I thank you for mommy and I want to hug her. Amen."<br />
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This boy says the CUTEST things and I try very hard not to correct him THAT much. Sometimes I try to remind him that we should thank Jesus for our food too, but that night James and I just looked at each other and smiled. Later that night, James was teasing me because he said that Jericho just melted my heart by what he said in his prayer, especially because he is a momma's boy. I got to thinking, and it made me realize how much Jericho loved me. In his pure and innocent love, he reminded me so much of how I loved my mom. From the second I can remember, I loved my mom. Everyone would always tell me how much I never wanted to be away from her. I remember when my mom had to have surgery when I was five years old, and you might as well have taken her from me forever. That week of being away from her was like ripping my heart out. I still remember sobbing and sobbing when I couldn't see her. I stayed with my grandparents that week and my grandma gave me an EKG sticker that was on my mom, that I placed on a piece of paper so I could hug it, and that was the only way I could fall asleep. It's so funny how that memory, from 28 years ago, still resonates deep in my heart of the longing I had for my mom.<br />
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My mom was my biggest cheerleader, advocate, closest friend. She made me feel like I was priceless. Irreplaceable. Loved. When she died she took a piece of me with her. Through my relationship with her, I learned what it meant to be loved unconditionally, how to be nurtured. How to be protected. I never understood the depth of her love for me. Now that I am a mom, I can understand the fierceness in how a mother loves her children.<br />
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A few months ago, one of my best friends and I started a bible study, by Beth Moore, called Breaking Free. This study has completely changed my life. God knew that I needed to be in his word and soaking in his truth, especially during this season of life.<br />
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One of the truths that was revealed to me in this study shook me to my core. Here is the passage as she quotes from an amazing man, Oswald Chambers.<br />
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Our soul's history with God is frequently the history of the "passing of the hero." Over and over again God has to remove our friends in order to bring Himself in their place, and that is where we faint and flail and get discouraged. Take it personally: In the year that the one who stood to me for all that God was, died--I gave up everything? I became ill? I got disheartened? Or-- I saw the Lord?<br />
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It must be God first, God second, and God third, until the life is faced steadily with God and no one else is of any account whatever. "In all the world there is none but thee, my God, there is none but thee."<br />
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My mom was and always will be my hero. What got me was when Oswald Chambers says, "In the year that the one who stood to me for all that God was, died--I gave up everything? I became ill? I got disheartened? Or-- I saw the Lord?" and truly, I want to say that when my mom died, the one who stood to me for ALL that God was, I saw the Lord. It is hard. It is painful. Sometimes I just want lie in bed and sleep, and just be sad, but because of my babies, I get up every morning, make sure they are fed, and loved, and nurtured, and KNOW without a doubt that they are one of the greatest gifts and blessings God has ever given me, just as my mom showed me.<br />
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Another thing that I have been thinking about is how I don't ever want to be the one who stood for God to my children. My mom never intended that to be, but my mom what God in the flesh for me. My love and dependence on her was so strong because of her ever perfect way of loving me, the best that she could. My mom and I had gone through hell and back together, not in our relationship with each other, but in the things that we went through, together. <br />
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Though I pray that my babies love me, and know that I love them so deeply, I LONG for them to have their reliance on Jesus. I long for them to place their hopes and dreams on Him, because He is the only one who can fulfill all of the dark, lonely, and hard places of our souls. He is the only one who will never let us down, and He is the only one who will love us despite all our ugliness.<br />
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Especially since I know my Jericho loves me in such an endearing way, I have made it a point to try to let him know that God loves him so much more than I ever could. There was one day that he was crying for about twenty minutes, because in his two year old world, the worst thing that could ever happen to him every day is that he has to take a nap. The most loving thing that I could think of to say to him was that I loved him so much. But it hit me, my words and actions need to start now. He needs to know that no matter how much I love him, the only one who could ever love him more than me is Jesus. So now I say to him, "Jericho mommy loves you the most in the world, but do you know who loves you more?" and his ever so emphatic response is, "Jesus!" I hope one day he realizes the truth of those words. That me, as his mommy will love him the most that is humanly possible. But the truth is that no matter what, the only one who can love him perfectly, flawlessly, and without fail, is Jesus.<br />
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Oh, how I am so grateful to God for my mom. How she loved me the most that was humanly possible for her, and how she made sure, in the most possible way she could, that I loved God too. And though difficult for me to accept at times, only He can fill the void of her in my life. But how beautiful, how my mom's legacy of love and faith in God, has been the greatest inheritance that she has passed down to me, and now to the best of my capacity, will passed down as an inheritance to my children as well.Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-57884107765579309592011-11-10T15:47:00.000-08:002011-11-10T15:50:40.603-08:00Time Heals All WoundsThey say time heals all wounds. And I really hope this is true. It's been four months exactly since my mom has been gone and I can't say it's any easier. If anything it seems as it gets harder and harder. It gets longer and longer since the last time I saw her, gave her a hug, told her I love her, saw the joy in her eyes and the happiness in my babies eyes when they were with her. I think that's what I mourn the most. I will mourn my children never knowing what an amazing grandma she was and how much she loved them. She always wanted to be a grandma. In fact, almost every second since we got married all she wanted was to have grandchildren. And for the 4 1/2 years before Jericho was born, believe me, she didn't hesitate to let me know how much I needed to have kids:)<br />
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Tonight we came back from our third trip to Hawaii together. The first time was right before we knew that we were going to be moving to San Diego for James to go to grad school. We went to Hawaii so we could check out Hawaii Pacific University. That was the first school to accept him. It was also his birthday so it was an even better excuse to go to Hawaii. The second time was a little bit over a year after he graduated from his MBA and Masters in Nursing programs and Jericho was 10 months old. No one else knew, but we were on our babymoon. I was a month pregnant with Karis and we were planning on telling our parents when we returned from Hawaii. <br />
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The really funny thing is that I would always joke with my parents and James' parents about getting pregnant right away after Jericho was born. I guess the joke was on me when I got pregnant when Jericho was nine months old. We decided to tell our parents the night we flew in from Hawaii. We stopped by James' parents house first. They were shocked. They always warned us to wait between kids because of how hard it is to have babies so close together. Of course they were happy but we could tell they were thinking..."what are you guys thinking??" They are always so supportive of us and they told us they were happy, but we could see the fear in their eyes too:)<br />
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Next, we went to my parents house. It was just past midnight and their only grandchild was coming to see them so of course they were awake. We had Jericho tell them he was going to be a big brother while wearing his Halloween costume....a kangaroo with it's baby in it's pouch. We told them that he was carrying his baby just like mommy was. My mom's reaction was so classic, my mom. "Are you serious??" was all she could say. Then the obvious question, "are you pregnant?? Are you kidding??" We would laugh about it afterwards, but even our planning, or lack of planning, wasn't going to stop God's plans.<br />
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Karis was the girl I always wanted. I was thrilled when I found out she was a girl. Since I had such a close bond to my mom, I always envisioned having s daughter in hopes that we would share a closeness like I did with my mom.<br />
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God knew that I needed Karis. His timing was perfect for when I got pregnant. Mom was able to meet her. My mom called Karis her replacement, and my mom got to spend the first year of Karis' life with her. Mom was there a few hours after Karis was born. In between her chemos she would come and visit us in San Diego or we would come up and visit her. We got to move back to Pasadena for seven months before mom had to go and we spent EVERY possible second we could together. We went on trips to Santa Barbara, San Diego, and Las Vegas during those seven months. And mom was there celebrating with us the day that Karis was dedicated to the Lord. All the while, that entire year of Karis' first year of life, my mom had cancer. She went through chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and then chemotherapy for almost ten more months after all of what she already endured. And then went to be home with the Lord almost a month exactly after Karis' fist birthday.<br />
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I've heard the quote, "Everybody dies. Not everybody lives." And I am reminded of my mom when I think about this quote. Though my mom had cancer, you would have NEVER known. She was so positive. She was so hopeful. She watched my kids the night before she went to the hospital so James and I could have a date night. She didn't allow cancer to take away her life.<br />
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No wonder I was missing my mom so much more tonight. The last time we came back from Hawaii, we went to share with my mom the amazing news. It's really ironic how our memories have such ways of reminding us about things that sometimes we want to forget. On the flight home, during one of the movies I watched someone said, "All I remember are the good memories, and those are the worse kinds."<br />
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I still can't believe she's gone. I miss her every second of the day. They say time heals all wounds. It’s going to take a lot of time to heal this wound, but God is so incredibly faithful. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” - Psalm 147:3<br />
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Thank you, Jesus for your promises. I will trust you no matter what.Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-72597298923711255302011-09-29T14:43:00.000-07:002011-09-29T14:43:22.406-07:00My Drug of ChoiceThis morning was a complete blur. You would have thought that I was drugged with the illegal type. Last night I started getting the sniffles. The kind that doesn't let you breathe properly when lying down. I decided that I wasn't going to go to sleep at my normal sleeping hour, around 1 or 2am. For one night this week, or should I say one night since February 22, 2010, I was going to take medicine to help me sleep, and not replay in my mind over and over what could be different, if my mom was still here, and what could've been done so that she didn't have to have cancer. I know I sound crazy, but for the last 19 months, I've had a hard time going to sleep because of my thoughts that don't turn off.<br />
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All this to say, all heck broke loose, my kids were screaming their heads off and going crazy for an hour before I had any recollection of the fact that I am mom. When mommy is sick, the world continues. Moms have no time to be sick. Thank God, my cousin was here and watched dinosaur train and gave Jericho milk so that I could stay in my unconscious splendor for another hour. I finally woke up at 8:30 because the screaming alarm clock wouldn't stop. I got out of bed, still lost in the cloudiness of Tylenol PM and carried my sweet Karis and placed her in my lap. My cousin walked into Karis’ room and explained the past hour to me. I'm sure I looked crazy...out of it. He asked me what drugs I took...I responded slowly, "T-y-l-e-n-o-l P-M." I was out of it. Really out of it. I couldn't even imagine myself on the illegal drugs. SCARY. And I thank God for keeping me away from them in high school. Many, many years ago I had some friends that had the goal of getting me get into it with them. I know that with my type of personality, if I would have given in, it really would have destroyed my life.<br />
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Yesterday was the first day of MOPS. I can't say enough about MOPS, and what an amazing blessing it has been to me this past year. The speaker talked about faithfulness and asked us to think about what was hindering us from being faithful.<br />
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A culmination of different conversations, a recent argument with the hubby, exhaustion, and sleepless nights came together and confirmed: BUSYNESS.<br />
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I have always been a busy person. For those of you who know strengthfinders my number one strength is arranger. In layman’s terms it means multi-tasker and living passionately and striving when being able to live this way.<br />
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I don't know why this surprised me. Or why it took me ALL these years to accept. In high school I was involved in everything possible ASB, cheerleading, choir, clubs I was president of, because God forbid I couldn't just be a part of something. Committees, fundraisers, oh dear God it makes me tired just typing this. In college I was a Nursing Major. Nursing majors had the reputation of being the people you went to school with for four years and no one knew because they were always so busy studying. But to no surprise I was in choir, a resident advisor, and I prided myself when people were surprised that I was a nursing major.<br />
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This "strength" has always driven my husband crazy. The detriment of this strength for me is that when things get hard, I delve even more into busyness. Busyness is my drug of choice. The thing that numbs the pain and helps me to forget what I don't want to remember, until the night comes, everyone is asleep, and the only person I am left with is myself. Which is why, even though my children sleep so amazingly, 10-12 hours to be exact, since Karis has been a baby, I still have sleepless nights.<br />
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The day my mom died I told James, "It's time for me to go back to work." Right away I contacted my previous company and told them that I was ready. I was ready to take on new projects. I started emailing around inquiring about jobs that I heard about. Retrospectively, I was looking for something to fill the void and numb away the pain of losing my mom. <br />
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A few weeks ago the routine of September began. Mommy and me preschool Monday and Tuesday, MOPS (and being a part of leadership) on Wednesday, Positive Parenting Class on Thursday, Bible study with two of my best friends at the crack of dawn on Friday morning. We are scheduled every single day, not to mention taking care of my children, feeding them a decent meal, getting a couple of showers in sometime during the week, the normal taking care of my family and my own life, having a decent relationship with my husband, and taking care of my mom’s affairs. I was beginning to feel a little run down. Did I mention that I'm a part of the women’s ministry at church, and working on starting a new ministry? No wonder I'm exhausted.<br />
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Yesterday I started to accept the fact that my busyness, my lifelong coping mechanism, was starting to wear on me and my kids AND my husband.<br />
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This morning we stayed home. I didn't rush out the door to our scheduled activity. The kids and I stayed in our PJs until after 1pm. I was able to have a phone conversation with a dear friend who has been encouraging me in my marriage and with my blogging. I got to tell her how thankful I am that we were able to become friends because she sought me out because I "wear make-up."<br />
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I had a great conversation with my aunt who I needed to talk to about my mom. We talked about how it still doesn't seem real even though it has already been two months and we were there with her when she took her last breath. We talked about how much we miss her and how I wish things were different.<br />
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At 10:30am, my sister, who is a teacher, called me. She was on her way home from school. She lost her voice. I convinced her to come sleep at my house, so that we could be together.<br />
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If I continued to succumb to my drug of choice, even though my kids are sick and exhausted, I would've missed out on two very needed conversations this morning. My sister wouldn't have come over to sleep at my house, and I would continue to be crazy and busy and numb to the pain of not having my mom's presence in my life.<br />
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One day of being home with my thoughts, my messy house (because we are actually home to ransack it), and the ability to rest, has helped my soul to continue to mend and be present in my children's lives, and to those around me.<br />
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So starting today I will be more purposeful, in what I choose to do and choose not to do, and know that it will take time. It will take lots of time to heal from missing my mom so much, but it is ok. I will try to not fill the sadness with busyness anymore. I know it will take time to overcome this addiction of busyness. But through God’s help, and the grace of those around me, I will get through this.Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-69392588814312977902011-09-12T14:03:00.000-07:002011-09-12T14:03:50.269-07:00How to Live with CancerIf I’m being completely honest, I want to rip down every Colon Canswer, Prostate Canswer, and Breast Canswer billboard I see when I’m driving down the freeway. The truth is that the particular hospital that displays these billboards does not have all of the answers about cancer. I cringe every time I see them because they give such false hope to people battling this horrid disease. Two and a half weeks before my mom died, she had an appointment for a second opinion with this hospital. The doctor she met with told her that she could try the last chemo that she was on and all he could recommend was hospice.<br />
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I was there with my mom during that appointment, and her response was, “We just have to pray that this one works.” I was speechless. I felt like I got kicked in the throat. I could not get any words out of my mouth.<br />
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You see, through the 17 months that my mom knew she had cancer; she lived with so much grace and courage. To this day I do not understand how she never broke down or got angry. Maybe she did in the quiet of her own soul, but never outwardly did I see her anger.<br />
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Since the minute she was diagnosed her response was always the same. “I’m not scared. I know where I am going. He can take me any time.”<br />
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I hated when she said that because I WAS NOT READY. Didn’t she want to see my kids grow up? Didn’t she want to be with us for as long as she could? We were just starting a brand new phase in life. We just moved back from San Diego so that the kids and I could spend time doing all of the things that daughters and grandchildren do with their mom and grandmother.<br />
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The thing about my mom is that she had an eternal perspective. God was close to her, she never stopped praying. And even though I prayed and BEGGED for God to heal her, He decided to heal her in a different way.<br />
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My mom’s faith was secure. She did not have any regrets in life. She was steadfast in her hope in the Lord. She had peace. She loved God. And she was ready to be with Him when He was ready for her.<br />
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Unfortunately, He was ready before I could ever be.<br />
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God forbid I ever have this horrible disease. But if I do, I have an amazing example of someone who lived with grace, love, and hope during the hardest time of her life.<br />
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Thank you, mom for loving God and trusting Him with your life. I have a lot to live up to.Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-49638087114053573332011-08-18T15:51:00.000-07:002011-08-18T17:17:10.529-07:00Potty training and missing my momIt's hard for me to believe that last week marked a month since my mom has been gone. People who have lost a parent too have told me that it will always seem like they just lost their mom or dad. Sometimes I just long to hear her voice again and have a conversation with her about nothing in particular. Sometimes I just want to call her cell phone and leave a message for her just to feel like she's still here. <br />
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But reality is hard. <br />
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It was especially hard last week when my babies hit two big milestones. And I just wanted to call her like I normally would and tell her the updates. She would always be so happy and excited for them. Just last week Jericho technically started to potty train himself. I've heard of kids doing that before, but I never believed it. He is 2 1/2 and I know a lot of boys that are potty trained already. My mom would always tell me, "Potty train him, it's easy." My response was always, "No, we have too much going on, it's too hard." <br />
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I would do all the things that people tell you to do to get them ready for peeing in the big boy toilet. Jericho watches his daddy go pee pee, he watches the potty training Elmo video, he has a toddler toilet that he sits on while he's watching the Elmo pee pee DVD, and I would always ask him, "Jericho, wanna pee pee in the big boy toilet?" <br />
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Until last Tuesday the answer was always, "No, mommy." I would never push him. I just figured when he was ready he would let me know. Really, I've just been so overwhelmed with everything, our move back to LA; James having a new job, having Karis, and mom being sick, that potty training was the last thing I wanted to worry about. But last Tuesday morning was a little different that usual mornings. Jericho usually comes running into my room and yells at the top of his lungs, "Mommy, wake up! Mommy, get out of bed!" And this morning he said, "Mommy, Jericho go pee pee in the big toilet." I jumped up and we ran to the toilet. Jericho officially pee peed in the big toilet. I know this is so silly to be so excited about, but you don't know my mom. She would be doing cartwheels with me if she could. I wanted to be able to tell her this huge event in our lives, and I couldn't. <br />
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Last week, Karis started standing on her own. As a mommy these milestones are huge. And I just wanted MY mommy to be able to celebrate with me and be excited with me too. I know at this point there are going to be many milestones that I will miss my mom being a part of. I will miss her for the huge ones, kindergarten graduation, Karis' first boyfriend, Jericho's first heartache, and the little one's like Jericho LOVING going to McDonalds with papa. But times like this, when I miss her so much, so much that sometimes it feels like it's hard to breathe, I need to remember the encouragement my sister received from her friend, Marc. Marc lost his dad unexpectedly, two months before we lost our mom.<br />
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Hey Jenny,<br />
No one deserves to lose someone close to them. It's definitely the hardest thing I've had to go through. It's important to remember every positive thing about the present and that everything truly happens for a reason. We could have lost them while we were growing up and may have never known them at all. There are so many other worse situations - always.<br />
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There's really nothing anyone can say to take the pain away. And it's not about getting "better." It's more like being able to live without her and coping. You've always been a bright, loving person and I'm sure she gave you nothing but love.<br />
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And keep living your life and pursuing your dreams. That's what she would want. :)<br />
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When my sis shared his message with me, two things stood out, "There are so many other worse situations - always" and " keep living your life and pursuing your dreams. That's what she would want."<br />
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My mom would be upset at us for being so sad right now, especially because of missing her. She would want us to keep living life and pursuing our dreams. My mom was the most loving person I knew and she gave me, my sister, and my babies nothing but love.<br />
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I just wish she were here with me and sharing in all of it too.<br />
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This made me think, how do I want my kids to remember me and how I celebrated with them. What ways did or does your mom celebrate huge and little milestones with you, and how do you want to do this for your babies? Please comment and share your ideas!Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-42698751345625774292011-08-14T23:22:00.000-07:002011-08-15T01:05:51.714-07:00Is this awkward?!?I was very hesitant to write my last blog post about asking the question, "How are you?" I didn't want it to come across that I was bitter or angry. Some people said that my blog was helpful because they really don't know what to say during times like this. Because of the post, I was able to have a couple of really deep and meaningful conversations. I didn't want people to think that I couldn't be asked how I was doing. Actually, it feels really good to talk about how I'm feeling, especially to people who are asking because they truly want to know and have the time to hear me out. <br />
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I've thought about the question a lot and have come to the conclusion that everyone has something they are sensitive to. Two people I love dearly told me that it was hard to hear, "At least they are in a better place," when they lost their loved one. For someone else it will be something else. We are all different, and we all deal with grief in different ways.<br />
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After I wrote the blog post and spoke to a couple of people that I trust, I realized that what I had a hard time with was when the question, "How are you?" was used as a filler, just something to say, to fill the spaces of awkwardness, without giving any time to really say how I was feeling. My cousin told me, "Kris, do you really think people ask the question and not care?" and then I realized too that it really depended on the person, our closeness, and how I was feeling at that moment. I know this is not very helpful, but this part is the truth. My cousin also told me that she never felt like I was closed with her, and I never have been, but we are really close, and I know that she loves me and supports me. She has gone through this sadness too with her best friend.<br />
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So, I mentioned that I had two really good conversations come out of that blog post. Even though I felt a little uneasy to write that last blog post, these two conversations made it worth it for me. Last week we found out that one of our aunts was diagnosed with cancer. Below is a conversation via text with my same cousin, Julie, mentioned above.<br />
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Julie: "I haven't spoken with my cousins yet. I'm kinda afraid too because I don't want to lose it over the phone." <br />
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Me: "Call your cousins. It will mean a lot to them to know you care. It's ok if you lose it. You love her and that means that world when your mom has cancer. Believe me."<br />
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Julie: "You have me so self conscious now about saying how are you...lol. Just talking to my cousins and I was trying so hard to not say how are you so I changed it up and said....how you doing....lol"<br />
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After I told my cousin I wanted to include our conversation in this blog post, she wasn't sure If she should remain anonymous and my response:<br />
<br />
Me: "No, I think it's human, you don't want to make them feel sadder, but from my perspective being on the other side, it is so comforting to know how much my mom is loved and how I'm not the only one hurting. I've heard from many people that they try to be strong for me and try to give me my space, but the ones who have touched me the most have been the ones who have cried with me and have come to me with their sadness too."<br />
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Believe me, I know it's awkward. What do you say in horrible situations like this? How do you approach someone dealing with the hardest loss they've ever experienced? To me, it is better to say something to show you care, instead of not saying anything at all. If you are going to ask, "how are you?" make sure it is not asked in passing just because something needs to be said. The day my mom died, one of my other cousins (he is more like a brother to me), came up to me in tears, all choked up, and said to me, "I'm so sorry." And that was all I needed to hear to know that he loved her and loves me too.<br />
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Right after I posted the last blog post, I got a message from a dear friend of mine:<br />
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Kristine,<br />
<br />
I've been wanting to call you for so long. You have been on my heart for such a long time and the Lord just keeps bringing up your name with everything that I have been hearing and going through. <br />
<br />
Not sure if you saw but John's aunt is dying from cancer this week. We're going to say goodbye tonight and I just can't seem to keep it together. I've been crying on and off all day. Then I feel bad because it's not even my aunt who's passing and I have no right to feel as upset as I do. In essence it's a joyous thing as she's been battling this for 3 years and will soon be home with her Lord. Yet I think the thought that she's leaving behind her kids and a husband makes me so sad. I mean she was the glue for that family and I'm not sure how they will do without her.<br />
<br />
But I think the thing I'M struggling with the most is what to say when we visit tonight. John is also at somewhat of a loss as to how to handle it. I feel awful and so selfish even talking to you about all this as I know you have your own grief to deal with but you're the only person I know who understands what we're all going through. I just wanted to let you know how timely your blog post today was and how much I appreciated it. It helped a lot.<br />
<br />
Kate<br />
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My response:<br />
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I'm so sorry to hear about John's aunt. I did not know about it. Thank you for messaging me. My mom was the glue of our family too.<br />
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Do not feel bad about me, I've been meaning to tell you how much your Facebook post on my wall meant to me. Truly. Your words were so encouraging.<br />
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Tonight, give your uncle and cousins hugs. Just say you're sorry. Tell them all the wonderful memories of their mom and how you've learned from her how much she loves them. And yes, you have every right to be upset. She made a difference in your life and you love her. You feel sad for your cousins and your uncle. You're sad that your aunt has been fighting for so damn long and it sucks and it is not fair. Know that God is with her right now. Angels are singing to her and are waiting for her to join them in heaven.<br />
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Feel free to share my info with your cousins, my blog too. I am here for you and for them.<br />
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I am praying for all of you, and for your aunt. I pray that she is at peace and ready to meet her Savior.<br />
<br />
I love you girl. Let me know what you need.<br />
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A recurring theme right now for me is that, God truly works EVERYTHING out for His good. I hate that my mom is not physically here with me anymore, but He uses everything we go through to bring Him glory. When we go through trials and hardships, they would only be a waste if we didn't learn from them and use what we've learned to help others. No matter what your trial is right now, you can always use it to bless others. God works everything out for His good. Always.<br />
Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-241458850736819702011-08-11T14:21:00.000-07:002011-08-11T16:01:12.520-07:00How are you?Some people have told me they don’t know what to say during hard times like this. Because of this, I thought it would be good to write a little something about it. For me, it is better for someone to say something, than not to say anything at all. Something simple like, "I'm sorry about your mom" will not offend me, make me remember my loss, or make me feel sad. I wake up every day thinking about her and still everything around me reminds me of her. I miss my mom every second of the day. Nothing anyone can do or say can make me miss her more.<br />
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I know this sounds trite, but when I want to talk and share my feelings I will. Then you will wish you didn't ask because I have a lot to say:)<br />
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A hard question for me to answer is, "How are you?" How I really feel is that I wish this was just a terrible nightmare. I wish my mom was still alive. I wish that cancer didn't exist, and that she was still alive and cancer free. Just like everything else, getting married, having children, losing a parent, you just don't know what that really means until it happens to you. <br />
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One of my cousins asked me one day, “How are you?” We are really close; in fact we have had a secret name for each other since we were kids (ok, a really long time ago) We call each other our BCFs, Best Cousins Forever. I’m really not a closed person, but never have I experienced a loss or a hurt so deep, that I can barely talk about it. Losing my mom is one of those things. Because my cousin and I are so close I couldn’t give her the easy, “I’m doing good!” response. She would see right through that. But the truth is that it is really hard to verbalize how I’m really feeling, so I write. I told her if you want to really know how I’m feeling, read my blog. We got off the phone, and thirty minutes later she called me in tears.<br />
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I say all this because I never want anyone starting this journey or going through this journey to ever feel like they are alone, that no one understands, and that God doesn’t care. When you feel like no one understands, please know that I will support you, pray for you, and fight with you. During this horrible loss I have learned things that I could have never gotten a chance to learn any other way. This journey has made me more compassionate, more thankful for today, more in awe of God’s love through his people who have been loving me so well, and more aware of how great and powerful He is.<br />
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If you know someone going through having a loved one go through cancer or have lost someone to cancer, please share this blog with them. If something I have written makes you think about your relationship with your mom, sister, daughter, or someone else, share those too. Please share your thoughts with me and with others. The stories that have been shared with me already have really touched my heart. They really make a difference!<br />
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Please do not be afraid to talk to me about my mom. It feels good to talk about her. She is and always will be a huge part of my life.<br />
Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-61747322360305653252011-08-02T15:05:00.000-07:002012-01-07T16:20:44.105-08:00“Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass…It’s about Learning To Dance In The Rain.”<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There were two quotes that my mom wrote down before she died. One I found the week before she went to be with Jesus, and I was able to talk to her about it. That quote was put in the program at her memorial service, and the other one was found a week after she was gone.<br />
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Below is an email I wrote one of my best friends right after we found out that the eight months of chemo and radiation, surgery, and chemo again didn't work for mom. I was sad and afraid and I needed to hear words from someone who had traveled this road already.<br />
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December 29, 2010<br />
Hi best friend, so good to hear from you. I have been meaning to email you, but can't even get the words on paper. We found out two weeks ago that they suspect that mom didn't respond to the chemo and that it has spread. She has more tests on Monday to determine if indeed the cancer has spread and to what extent. We were devastated to hear the news. God's provision is that we are back here to be able to spend time with her and to be closer to her. At this point I am asking God for a miracle to heal her, and that we, especially mom will have peace. Cancer sucks so bad. I can't even talk about it. I have been so sad. I spend as much time with her as I can, but Jericho just got sick so we need to stay away from her for a while until he gets better. How do I keep enjoying her while I'm so sick thinking about how much longer I will have her? I need to enjoy her instead of worrying all the time and being sad, but it's so hard to find the balance. If you saw her right now, you would NEVER know she is sick. She looks great and is in great spirits, at least around me. Sorry to burden you with all of this. Please give me insight.<br />
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I hope you are doing good. Miss you and love you! Please give the kids hugs for me!<br />
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December 29, 2010<br />
Kris,<br />
I am so so sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart that you and your family have to endure this. I hate cancer too, it's horrible. It is so hard to enjoy them when you're constantly worrying about the time you have left. It's hard to have a normal life. It's an emotional roller coaster! I can't believe this is happening. :(<br />
<br />
I absolutely know how hard it is to say the words out loud, to talk about it makes it seem so much more real. And at a time when you want it to be a dream, talking about it and making it more real isn't easy to do. Does that even make sense? Sorry....but, what I'm trying to say is that I'm here to talk. I wish I could be closer to be there for you. If you need me I'll talk a few days off and be there! I love you, I love your mom.<br />
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This quote may not help at all, but it always reminds me of my mom and it fits your situation when you said, "how do I keep enjoying her while I'm so sick thinking about how much longer I will have her"...Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....it's about learning to dance in the rain."<br />
<br />
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Today, I was sad. I was missing my mom, really feeling the pain of what life is going to look like without her. In the movies they make it look like the worst part is when they die. In my case, the worst part is when the realization really hits that it will be a long time until I get to see her beautiful face again. It is especially difficult when life is harder than I could have ever imagined and all I want to hear is that "it is going to be ok, God is taking care of it." The words only a mother can tell her child and make them really believe it. I was feeling her absence so deeply, especially today....and believe it or not, in almost 100 degree weather, in the dead of summer, it started to rain. I can't tell you how many times in this last month when God would remind me in amazing ways that, "it is going to be ok. He is taking care of it." As I was driving, with tears streaming down my face, all I could think about was the quote that my best friend told me about in December, the same quote I found on the piece of scratch paper that my mom wrote...“Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass…It’s about Learning To Dance In The Rain.”<br />
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So we pulled into the driveway, I got Jericho out of the car, and we danced. We danced in the rain. Through this horrible storm we can and we WILL dance.<br />
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"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven; A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to DANCE..."<br />
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Ecclesiastes 3:1,2,4Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-15916867955173355902011-07-28T09:17:00.000-07:002011-07-28T14:01:19.625-07:00With God between us we can overcome anythingMy mom ALWAYS emphasized how important it was for Jenny and I to marry a man who loves Jesus. She knew and believed what a difference it would make in my life, and the lives of my children, to have a husband that loved the Lord. The day I got married she told me that she had been praying for James since the day I was born. I have been doing the same for Jericho and Karis, and the man who marries Karis has A LOT to live up to. Thank you mom for your influence in my life and your fervent prayers for James since I was a baby. Your love and legacy lives on in me, and will be passed on to your grandbabies.<br />
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In these past three weeks, it has been more and more apparent how much God brought James and I together. In the last year and a half, my love for him has deepened significantly. Ten years ago when we started dating, I never would have imagined everything that we would have endured together, and how life could be so hard. But together, as he says, "with God between us we can overcome anything." I so deeply love my husband and am so thankful for him and his wisdom, courage, and love. James will be mortified when he finds out that I put this up on my blog, but I just had to show how much his encouragement means to me. With God and James, I really believe that we can overcome anything.<br />
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Letter found this morning...<br />
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My sweetie,<br />
Throughout all our struggles to grasp solid ground in this life, your deep character continues to amaze me. Your vibrant laugh, your sweet spirit, your love for your family and people that surround you continue to amaze me. With you I feel like with God between us we can overcome anything! Despite the hurt and pain, I have seen your life reflect the love of God, which shows me how real He is in this time. I pray for continued growth and love in God for us!<br />
<br />
I love you,<br />
JamesKristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-32632008081273228662011-07-19T21:59:00.000-07:002011-07-19T22:05:38.218-07:00Tribute to my sweet sweet mommaOn July 10, 2011, my sweet, sweet, momma went home to be with the Lord. She was willing to keep fighting her courageous fight, but Jesus wanted her home. Below is my tribute to my mom, the words that I shared at the beautiful celebration of her life last Saturday.<br />
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My tribute to my sweet momma<br />
<br />
Thank you for celebrating mom’s life. This is exactly how she wanted to it be. She wanted a celebration of her life and wanted to be remembered like she always was, happy with her contagious laugh, vibrant, and full of life, just as she was until her last days. <br />
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This by far has been the hardest year and a half of my life. The mourning process for me started when we first found out about her cancer. The loss in my heart is so deep I can't even describe. My mom was my greatest supporter, biggest cheerleader, and everything to me. Our relationship so strong, words cannot even describe.<br />
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God’s provision and mercy<br />
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Through all of the sadness and the pain, God has been so faithful. His provision and His mercy so undeniable. In Romans 8:28, Paul tells us that, “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.” God is always working out everything out for us. Three months before we found out about mom’s cancer, I was able to resign from my job to be home and take care of Jericho. Though I knew it was a gift to be able to be with him, I now know that God was also giving me a season to be with mom. Two weeks before we found out about mom’s diagnosis, we found out that I was pregnant with a baby girl. As you all know for James and I to have a baby girl was nearly impossible, but both of our moms’ prayers were so powerful. God knew that I needed to have Karis in my life when she was gone. Mom called Karis her replacement. Karis looks exactly like her. Her smile lights up her face, just like how mom’s smile was. God knew before we did the void that I would have, and through His mercy, He gave me Karis so that I would have her especially during the days when I would miss mom so much. Karis’ middle name is Faith, because of mom’s unending and unwavering faith in God. When I asked mom what got her through this last year and a half, she said that it was her faith and trust in the Lord. Last November we moved back to Pasadena. My plan was to convince mom and dad move to San Diego when mom retired. Us moving back to Pasadena would ruin my plan. Again, God was working everything and providing everything we needed, a job for James, a place to live, and friendships deep and new to support me during the hardest times of my life. And most importantly, God was giving me and the kids precious time to spend with mom to make memories that would last a lifetime. <br />
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Mom’s legacy<br />
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Mom’s legacy to me was her unending love, faith in God, continual forgiveness, and selflessness. The greatest gift she gave me was her faith in God. She was the first person who shared her love for God with me, with words, but mostly through actions. Through any trial she would always encourage me to pray and ask God. She always believed that He provided all that we needed.<br />
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When you think of a mom and how they should be, that was her. She opened up her heart and our home to all of my friends. Our house was always full of people. She brought all of my friends with us to church. They were always welcome to eat dinner at our home and also welcome to live with us when they needed place to live. She told me everyone was always welcome because she wanted everyone to have a family. Many of my friends told me how they wished to have a mom like her.<br />
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Mom and I talked on the phone at least five times a day. She cared about all the things that no one else would even care about. She wanted to know about everything I did and what the kids did. The kids adored her. When you ask Jericho where his Nanay is, he says, "In Heaven, with Jesus."<br />
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Mom’s strength was so quiet and so selfless. When she was diagnosed the only times she cried was when we were sad. She was always encouraging us and fighting for us. Though the chemo was beating her body up, she told us that she would die fighting. She told me that she had to drag herself to chemo but she wouldn't stop. She was willing to do everything. But God didn't want her to fight anymore. She was so strong for us. She didn't show us her pain because she wanted us to have hope.<br />
Mom had an appointment at City of hope two weeks before she went to be with Jesus. They said that she could try the last chemo, but after that all they could recommend was hospice. When the doctor told her the news she didn't even flinch, didn't even cry, she didn't even hesitate. Her response was, we need to pray that this works. As her daughter and a nurse I knew what was going on. Bad report after another she didn't flinch, she didn't cry. She downplayed everything. The focus was never on her. She always talked about when she got better and what we would do. She kept telling us that she was going to be ok and not to worry about her. But the cancer was so far advanced and aggressive. Even though she knew as a nurse what was going on in her body she wouldn't give up and she wouldn't give up on hope.<br />
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My mom was the greatest example of what a mom should be. I pray that my kids would see from me the ways my mom was so amazing, and that her spirit would live on in me and my family.<br />
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Last year<br />
<br />
My mom lived her life to the fullest even till the end. The week before she went to the hospital she was driving, cleaning, and playing with the kids. The day before she went to the hospital we spent the day together and she watched the kids so that James and I could go on a date. She told me, “I have cancer but cancer doesn’t have me.” Mom had an unstoppable drive and love for me, my sister, dad, James, and kids. I begged God to heal mom, but He healed her in a different way. I know that He loves her more than I do, and that’s a lot of love. We cannot ask why God took her home so quickly. Mom said that she was ready to go when God decided to take her. She was such an example of unwavering faith and trust to me.<br />
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Thank you<br />
<br />
Thank you for all of the outpouring love and support during this season. Thank you to all who prayed fervently for the last year and a half. Thank you for carrying the burden of sadness and asking God for healing when it was too hard for me to pray. Thank you to all of my aunts and uncles who love my mom so deeply and all the ways you showed your love for her. Thank you dad for spending every single day with her for the last year and a half and keeping her going. Thank you, James my rock, Jenny, my strength. I am so grateful for each of you, for who you were to my mom, and for loving her.<br />
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I love you mom. Thank you for loving me and all that you did for me. You are the greatest mom and more than I could have ever wanted. I will miss you for the rest of my life.Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-32700077785618587042011-04-20T17:55:00.000-07:002011-04-21T01:05:49.735-07:00Ugly...Yucky...FearPhilippians 4:6-7 (New International Version, ©2011)<br />
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.<br />
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After 2 months of being MIA from the blog, I'm BACK! The only real reason I can give for not posting anything is fear. Ugly...yucky...fear. Every time I went to work on the blog fear would hit me right between my eyes. I was filled with the fear of exposing on the outside EVERYTHING I am feeling on the inside. For me it is so much easier to not talk about what is going on, what the emotional roller coaster looks like for me, and what the grief and fear that grips me is like. It is easier to look like everything is fine, although in my heart I feel alone. I feel like I am alone in my feelings because it is so hard for me to talk about what is happening. I know I'm not alone. I know that I have so many people who love me and are praying for me. I trust that God is working out everything in His way. But the truth is that I am scared. I am scared to lose my mom. I cannot fathom my life without her.<br />
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God is good and I haven't stopped praying for a miracle. This year has been filled with so many blessings in spite of the pain. If mom never had cancer I would not appreciate the things I do now. I would not see the fragility of life that I do now. James always reminds me to be thankful for what we have RIGHT NOW. The future is not guaranteed for anyone.<br />
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So here I am, sharing my heart, my grief, my fear, my prayers, and on going lessons. In the midst of this journey I have experienced peace and joy that can only be given by the one who has my heart. I've included emails, verses, and my thoughts in the following blog posts. There are about 20ish blog posts that I am putting up, starting from when we first found out on February 22, 2010 until present day. If you know someone who is experiencing the grief of going through cancer with their mom, or with a loved one, please share the blog with them.<br />
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My prayer is that no one feels alone in their journey.<br />
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Goodbye ugly, yucky, fear!Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-19777970594016625012011-02-01T14:50:00.000-08:002011-02-01T14:56:07.821-08:00Mama JerichoOk, so I feel like I need to explain the name of this blog. I had an amazing opportunity to go to Kenya, Africa 12 years ago. Lessons and stories from that will come at a later time :) But there I learned that mothers get a new name when they become mothers! They take on the oldest child's name and add it to "mama." If I lived in Africa I would be known as Mama Jericho. But here, I want to be known being mommy to both of my kids, Jericho Christian, and Karis Faith. So there it is, the birth of my blog's name, "Mommy Christian Faith."Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93381730665043654.post-32995993322894762282011-02-01T14:47:00.000-08:002011-04-20T16:37:59.085-07:00Desiring a life of impactI've felt strongly for a long time, and even more so in the last 10 months to be exact, that I wanted to have a life of impact. I officially became a full-time stay at home mom 10 months ago. Now those in the same boat get what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, I bought into the lie that in order to have a meaningful life I had to have a job. I resigned from a job that I loved. I felt that this job utilized all of my strengths, passions, and giftings and I decided that all of that time and energy spent on my job, would now be spent on my two babies, husband, and home. Little did I know what that meant! <br />
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So here is my attempt to make an impact on this world. I know that there are too many women out there going through this with me. Twelve to be exact. Twelve women I know have either lost their mom to cancer or are going through cancer with their mom right now. My husband told me when my mom was first diagnosed with cancer, you don't know what it feels like until it happens to you. I hope that what I have gone through and continue to go through can give you hope and peace that only God can give. I have been feeling really led to start a blog about my own journey with my mom having cancer. Going through this with my mom has been the hardest thing that I have gone through, and continue to go through, but I truly believe that through our stories, people can have hope, healing can begin, and God can speak and shine His light through us, and ultimately lead people to Him. I pray that in some way my journey can bring hope and healing to those going through it too.Kristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11019015592859350755noreply@blogger.com2