Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Ugly...Yucky...Fear

Philippians 4:6-7 (New International Version, ©2011)
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

After 2 months of being MIA from the blog, I'm BACK! The only real reason I can give for not posting anything is fear. Ugly...yucky...fear. Every time I went to work on the blog fear would hit me right between my eyes. I was filled with the fear of exposing on the outside EVERYTHING I am feeling on the inside. For me it is so much easier to not talk about what is going on, what the emotional roller coaster looks like for me, and what the grief and fear that grips me is like. It is easier to look like everything is fine, although in my heart I feel alone. I feel like I am alone in my feelings because it is so hard for me to talk about what is happening. I know I'm not alone. I know that I have so many people who love me and are praying for me. I trust that God is working out everything in His way. But the truth is that I am scared. I am scared to lose my mom. I cannot fathom my life without her.

God is good and I haven't stopped praying for a miracle. This year has been filled with so many blessings in spite of the pain. If mom never had cancer I would not appreciate the things I do now. I would not see the fragility of life that I do now. James always reminds me to be thankful for what we have RIGHT NOW. The future is not guaranteed for anyone.

So here I am, sharing my heart, my grief, my fear, my prayers, and on going lessons. In the midst of this journey I have experienced peace and joy that can only be given by the one who has my heart. I've included emails, verses, and my thoughts in the following blog posts. There are about 20ish blog posts that I am putting up, starting from when we first found out on February 22, 2010 until present day. If you know someone who is experiencing the grief of going through cancer with their mom, or with a loved one, please share the blog with them.

My prayer is that no one feels alone in their journey.

Goodbye ugly, yucky, fear!

5 comments:

Maria L. said...

Am so proud of you for having the courage to go through with this. Your experiences will speak volumes to those struggling with similar situations. God bless you!

caroline said...

You are such a great writer and inspire me. Please continue blogging..because not only do I read what you write, I breathe in what you feel.....This is the first blog I've ever read and want to follow. love Caroline

Mylee Allena said...

Love you sweet friend...thanks for sharing your heart. Hoping to see you soon & until then, praying for each of you. xox

Amelia said...

Miles apart....you're always in my heart! YOU'RE NEVER ALONE! I love you so much and I know this fear you're speaking of. Call me anytime you want to talk, cry or even if you just need a laugh! Keep writing...it feels good to get it out! xoxoxo

anna said...

You're doing it! It's great honest and transparent! Keep it up you never know who you will impact!