Saturday, January 7, 2012
That's why I am so thankful for traditions and memories, and I realize that I want to leave a legacy for my children and my family and my friends. And as sentimental as I am, I need pictures and items to remind me of the tender memories tucked deeply in the back of my mind. Three years ago I started collecting Christmas ornaments that represented the year.
In 2008, there were two ornaments, one of a picture of James and I together, a week before Jericho was born, the very last time it would be just him and me. And the other, a picture of James, me, and Jericho on his first Christmas. In 2009, the ornament was of Santa with two children on his lap, one named Jericho, and the other one named baby.
In 2010, the ornament was of the four of us in a 2010 frame, and the other ornament of the word FAITH, representing the faith we had that God was going to miraculously heal my mom, and also representative of Karis' middle name, and how it reflected the baby girl added to our family and the love of Christ that she represented. That particular ornament was purchased on one of the last trips we took with my mom to Santa Barbara.
In 2011, one ornament was of Jericho with trains (perfect because of his love for them, and his 3rd Train Birthday Party), and the other was of Karis with ladybugs on the frame (again with many representations). The most special one, being a frame with an angel on top of my mom's picture. Of course, representing the angel that heaven gained on July 10, 2011, and the hole left in my heart for the rest of my life.
Jericho was "helping" me take down the ornaments from the tree and I showed him the one with my mom's picture on it. I asked him if he knew who she was. He said, "It's Nanay. Is she sick, or is she better?" And I told him, "She's better now." His next response being, "Did God make her better?" And my answer with tears in my eyes, "Yes, baby, God made her better."
It's still hard. Every day I still have to ask myself if she really died. But the truth is, God made her better. He made her better in a different way than I asked. I may not understand, or know why He chooses to do what He does, but He always makes us better. And I am thankful that my three year old son knows, that no matter what the outcome is, God ALWAYS makes us better.