Wednesday, March 21, 2012

My 34th Birthday Resolution-- I Choose to be Fearless in Loving

I have been having bittersweet feelings about this day for a while. My first birthday without my mom. She always made it so special. Every March 20th, since I could remember, it always started with a phone call with her singing happy birthday and having lunch together. Last night I prayed that God would let me have a dream with her in it, so it could feel like we were still here together. I was sad when I woke up because I didn't have any dreams or a happy birthday phone call.

But today this is what I woke up to:

This link My Babies takes you to a really sweet clip of my kids. I wish I could keep them like this forever!!

Roses from the best hubby in the world
The cake I found in the fridge

Oh my heart is so full!

One of the biggest blessings this year has been my mentor mom, Shelly. When I got to MOPS last Wednesday, she surprised me by decorating our table in pink with beautiful flowers and the yummiest homemade cupcakes I have EVER had! She really has a way of making people feel loved!

Me and Shelly
Pretty flowers and the BEST cupcakes ever

This weekend, James and I had a nice lunch at one of my favorite restaurants. Just the two of us. Then we spent the rest of our afternoon working on house projects. Which typically wouldn't be that fun, but since we didn't have any of the kids with us (they were having a blast with their grandparents), it was like a date for us. We were able to work on projects, laugh together, and not have to worry about kids who were trying to kill each other. AND my aunt brought home pie and made coffee for us. Lunch with my best friend, sweets and coffee, and free babysitting? What a fun day celebrating with James!!!

Monday was a wonderful day. I spent the morning with the babies at their school with two of my dear girlfriends. And then one of my bestest friends come over to watch the kids so I could get a massage that she bought for me for Christmas, so I could get my eyebrows done (the brow bar at Macy's gives free eyebrow waxing on birthdays), and kid free shopping at Trader Joes.

When I was done I came home to a clean house (all my dishes were done) the house was picked up, and it was quiet (kids were asleep)! I felt like I won the lotto!! Cheryl is such a true and devoted friend. We have been friends for 21 years. So thankful for her in my life!

Cher knows how much I LOVE my hot cheetos

And actual birthday....

My hubby called me and sang happy birthday in his wonderful singing voice! My kids and I were able to sleep in til 9am. One of my dearest friends treated me and the kids to lunch. And I really cannot even thank everyone enough for making my birthday so blessed and making me feel so loved and special. All of the phone calls, text messages, emails, and Facebook posts, they really do make a girl feel loved!

The kids posing after lunch

Coffee and a red velvet cupcake with my baby boy

This afternoon the kids gave me a really amazing gift...a nap, and I was able to really think and soak in all of the blessings of this past day, week, and year. I have been surrounded by so much love, so much grace, and so much joy, even despite the pain and ache of missing my mom. God has given me so many people who love me so well, so much I know I don't deserve it, and I am beyond thankful.

Tonight we went to dinner with my favorite people in the world, James, my babies, and my sister. (Dad, we will celebrate with you when you are in town!)

I DO NOT deserve this man!

I love these people!

Sad effort at trying to get a group shot
Such a typical end of the night picture for us. James is almost asleep, Jericho is laughing uncontrollably,  Karis with her wild hair, and I'm the only one looking at the camera!

As I reflect on this past year, I have decided that this year I want to be fearless in loving. I want to love more and without fear of losing or hurting. Because in the end loving and being loved is really what makes a life, right? I want to be known as a person who was fearless in loving no matter what.

Although I miss my mom so much and wish with all of my heart that she was still here, I know I will see her again. All the years I spent loving my mom have made my life so rich, and though it hurts to love, so many times, I choose to love more without fear.

And really, how can I hold back? I have been so loved by my God in ways that are unexplainable; through a husband I truly do not deserve, babies who bring me so much joy I cannot contain myself, and loved ones who have loved me so well and so much during my darkest storms...

So here is my attempt for my 34th birthday resolution--I choose to be fearless in loving!