Thursday, August 18, 2011

Potty training and missing my mom

It's hard for me to believe that last week marked a month since my mom has been gone. People who have lost a parent too have told me that it will always seem like they just lost their mom or dad. Sometimes I just long to hear her voice again and have a conversation with her about nothing in particular. Sometimes I just want to call her cell phone and leave a message for her just to feel like she's still here.

But reality is hard.

It was especially hard last week when my babies hit two big milestones. And I just wanted to call her like I normally would and tell her the updates. She would always be so happy and excited for them. Just last week Jericho technically started to potty train himself. I've heard of kids doing that before, but I never believed it. He is 2 1/2 and I know a lot of boys that are potty trained already. My mom would always tell me, "Potty train him, it's easy." My response was always, "No, we have too much going on, it's too hard."

I would do all the things that people tell you to do to get them ready for peeing in the big boy toilet. Jericho watches his daddy go pee pee, he watches the potty training Elmo video, he has a toddler toilet that he sits on while he's watching the Elmo pee pee DVD, and I would always ask him, "Jericho, wanna pee pee in the big boy toilet?"

Until last Tuesday the answer was always, "No, mommy." I would never push him. I just figured when he was ready he would let me know. Really, I've just been so overwhelmed with everything, our move back to LA; James having a new job, having Karis, and mom being sick, that potty training was the last thing I wanted to worry about. But last Tuesday morning was a little different that usual mornings. Jericho usually comes running into my room and yells at the top of his lungs, "Mommy, wake up! Mommy, get out of bed!" And this morning he said, "Mommy, Jericho go pee pee in the big toilet." I jumped up and we ran to the toilet. Jericho officially pee peed in the big toilet. I know this is so silly to be so excited about, but you don't know my mom. She would be doing cartwheels with me if she could. I wanted to be able to tell her this huge event in our lives, and I couldn't.

Last week, Karis started standing on her own. As a mommy these milestones are huge. And I just wanted MY mommy to be able to celebrate with me and be excited with me too. I know at this point there are going to be many milestones that I will miss my mom being a part of. I will miss her for the huge ones, kindergarten graduation, Karis' first boyfriend, Jericho's first heartache, and the little one's like Jericho LOVING going to McDonalds with papa. But times like this, when I miss her so much, so much that sometimes it feels like it's hard to breathe, I need to remember the encouragement my sister received from her friend, Marc. Marc lost his dad unexpectedly, two months before we lost our mom.


Hey Jenny,
No one deserves to lose someone close to them. It's definitely the hardest thing I've had to go through. It's important to remember every positive thing about the present and that everything truly happens for a reason. We could have lost them while we were growing up and may have never known them at all. There are so many other worse situations - always.

There's really nothing anyone can say to take the pain away. And it's not about getting "better." It's more like being able to live without her and coping. You've always been a bright, loving person and I'm sure she gave you nothing but love.

And keep living your life and pursuing your dreams. That's what she would want. :)

When my sis shared his message with me, two things stood out, "There are so many other worse situations - always" and " keep living your life and pursuing your dreams. That's what she would want."

My mom would be upset at us for being so sad right now, especially because of missing her. She would want us to keep living life and pursuing our dreams. My mom was the most loving person I knew and she gave me, my sister, and my babies nothing but love.

I just wish she were here with me and sharing in all of it too.

This made me think, how do I want my kids to remember me and how I celebrated with them. What ways did or does your mom celebrate huge and little milestones with you, and how do you want to do this for your babies? Please comment and share your ideas!


Pipaya Moments said...

Hi ate Kris!! auntie truly left a huge open chasm in the hearts of many. I miss her too.

On another note, with or without milestones, mom and I never leave the house without a camera. Every small or big occasion has to be captured in a photo. That's one of our bonding ways, memories shouldn't only be committed in memory, but stored in a photograph ought to be seen and shared to all. Well, the good ones at least! haha.

kristine said...

Yes, great idea Kate!!! You and Leonard have captured so many beautiful memories for us too. Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday! Love you!

kristine said...

and kate, btw, we will take LOTS of fun pics on Saturday. Cousin pic included :) xo

Mário & Lika said...

Oh Kristine, your blog brought me to tears. Especially since Lucas is in almost the same phase as Karis already crawling everywhere and reaching anything he can find to stand up by himself, I belive he will be hitting that milestone of standing on his own soon too.
I wish I could say something to encourage you at this time, but all I can continue to offer are my prayers for you and your family...and I will keep remembering to pray for you this week. May the Lord smile down on you in a special way.
I love you!

Autumn said...

Kristine, you are a beautiful writer. Please continue pursuing your dreams and living your life fully like your mother would want. I know she's so proud of you and her precious grandchildren hitting these BIG milestones! I can just imagine her cheering you guys on from heaven! Much love! Autumn

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your courage to open up and post your thoughts and feelings. I'm still not willing to be that vulnerable and I commend you for strengthening not only me, but also my sister who is in your same situation with the 2 little ones, and so many others suffering through this situation.....and remembering that that are so many worse things. Love you Kristine.